Discouraged & fed up!

[kama24]

I guess you'd say I'm venting. Lately I've had the worse "feeling" ever! It is a total feeling of FEAR. All of a sudden I think about death, next it is like a bucket of HOT then a bucket of COLD water dumped on my head and washing over me. I am my own worse enemy! I cannot get control of this foolishness. I cannot blame my family for being sick of me. I'm sick of me!

[Agora1]

Hi kama24, It's good to vent and what better place then here where we all understand what it's like. Can't do it with family or friends. Most are sick of hearing about it. I think what you are describing for yourself is "fear of fear". The longer anxiety goes on the more we fear until it totally consumes us with fear. At that time, it's completed a continuous circle. The thought of death comes about because there doesn't seem to be an escape from this feeling. Our brain then starts to think we must be deathly ill and the fear of death has been born. The hot and cold sensations washing over you are brought on by the adrenaline going wild in your body disrupting our internal thermostat. Some get feelings of heat and sometime cold chills, all a response of an anxious state. You're right in that we can't blame people for being sick of us and what they probably feel are lame excuses. However, we are the only ones that can make that change in how we feel. We can't give up. We can't rely on others to help us. We hold the key kama. Until we get determined enough to not be controlled by anxiety any longer, it will hang on to us and drag us down.

Anxiety is not a forever disorder. The anxious personality may be a part of who we are but the symptoms of anxiety are controllable by accepting and not fighting. We all the power within us to do what we have to, in order to be anxiety free. It is a liberating feeling, believe me. xx

[kama24 in reply to Agora1]

You got that right in that family and friends soon turn a deaf ear to our woes. YES I am terrified of having FEAR. You have nothing to fear but fear itself...how true! The adrenaline must be having a race in me! I don't supposed the growth on my adrenal gland is helping either! I get angry at myself for not being able to control the fear. I'm a grown woman with a fairly functional brain yet I can't control my own thoughts. Ea morning I wake and say I must accept this! then I must find a way to either live with it or keep so busy I don't think. My problem is I think and see at the same time. I "see" my own death and KNOW there is no way out of it, then the fear hits. Hubby says why do I need to think about it now? It's not time yet. Oh the logic of a normal person. I keep battling