Suggestions please

[Freedomfinder]

Hi everyone, I recently wrote about my three good days, where I felt like myself. What I am about to write is totally shameful to me but I need answers. So with this recent on set of anxiety I worry ALOT about street drugs. Even as a child I would be afraid to watch shows like intervention and rehab shows. I would get scared turn the TV and be FINE. When I'm not anxious I don't think about these things.All I can think about when I'm having an attack is will I become a drug user and so on. Then i think I think I'd rather die before I do that(no offense) , then depression kicks in. It literally scares me to the point where I shut down. I have never in MY LIFE used any street drugs , other than marijuana when I was 15 once and totally freaked out when I did it. I don't like the feeling of being "high" . Why has this fear became so ENLARGED now? Is this even anxiety ?! please help? I'm so ashamed