What it feels like to have health anxiety at 16 years old

You wake up one morning a late night because you couldn't get to sleep for some reason , even though you were tired , just at the last second when you're about to doze off you shoot up awake and realize your heart is racing. The next day you can't get your mind off of it and you feel heavy like there's something wrong with you but you can't put your finger on it because you've been ill before with a flu or a infection , but it doesn't feel like that it feels more subtle yet scary. None the less you try to ignore it.

But then sooner of later you think "wait what if " and then you panic and google every little feeling you are feeling.

Heart attack

Cancer

Fatal

Death

There are thousands of words on the page but these words stand out the most. You try and to carry on with your day but these words are ringing in your head all day.

Your friends are out , playing football , messing about , being kids and even though you're young you feel like your living your last years,months , days on earth.

Then it happens, you have a panic attack , but obviously you don't know it's a panic attack you think it's sudden death. In your head you're thinking "what if this is my last minute", you're breathing heavily but it feels like your suffocating , your heart is louder than any noise surrounding you. Your limbs start going numb , you start thinking your going to pass out and if you do pass out you'll die.

Then it stops And you're somewhat relieved but you don't know what just happened.

You then go to hospital, doctors , have blood tests , ecg's, urine test , every possible thing and it all comes back normal and you're sat there thinking it's not normal because you know what normal was and it's not that. But everyone keeps telling you it's anxiety and you want to believe then but how can a mental illness

Feel so physical?

You lose your appetite , lose weight , have no motivation to do anything you used to love anymore because every little movement uses up so much energy. Energy that you don't have.

and you're thinking , a mental illness can't make you feel like this. So you search and search and search for a different answer that could cause what you're feeling because even though you want to believe its anxiety , you just can't.

You start failing school because you can't concentrate on anything except just trying to stay alive for another 10minutes.

You get sad at watching all the other kids run around , smile , laugh ,play sports and do things that you used to love and do without even thinking about it. You might even get angry at them because you think it's unfair.

It's unfair that they can run without feeling like they're chest is going to explode

They can laugh without every muscle in their body aching.

They can do everything you wish you could but you can't because you're ill? Right ? Then how come the doctors say you're fine , how come you can still go to school? How come when you forget about everything you feel like until you remember and then everything comes back?

Because it is just anxiety.

And if anyone out there is having any symptoms like :

Heart palpitation

Dizziness

Chest pain

Muscle tension

Joint pain

Muscle twitching

Jaw pain

Tiredness

Sleep problems

Headache

Or any other symptom that you may be worried about , go to the doctors and if they say you are fine

BELIEVE THEM

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