No sleep tonight.

[Dodo777]

I've had a tooth ache plus waiting for my pip assessment even though I should get it I am still worried because its what I do' worry. I have also been losing my appetite lately. I am spending 99% of my days alone .I have people I could go visit but it doesn't do anything for me and it mostly gossip running others down is not my thing because none of us are perfect. I would like a little dog . So I am slowly liking the idea.

Well I be off now to make my Data allowance last all month. Only 1 GB I get Soon as my year is up with Three Broadband I will be changing to a less greedy company. Bye for now.

[Agora1]

Take care of yourself Dodo. Funny but I've been seriously thinking of getting a dog too. I want that interaction with someone who will always be there, rain or shine. Bye....

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

Agora I just had a screaming match with my x over my son and something else I cant write on here yet but will let you know when its finished.

My x is working and had to come here to sort out something and pick up the dog which was mine before I had the breakdown. Before I met her I had friends and could go out and people would say hi chat for 5 and that's how it was but my x was a few generations younger than me and she was the strong one because of my past I was already broken but over the 8 years I was with her it was hell she was vindictive very angry bossy she usec to phone police if we was having a row leave the house and police would come like if I battered her. I found out years later off her friend she used to punch her face before phoning the police I was also told she had sex with my cousin who used to come visit. She didn't love my boy and boy she showed it having parties fighting taking drugs and having sex all in front of my boy . I was being told bits and pieces what was going on which pushed me over the edge I had a breakdown and snapped on people who had nothing to do with it. I was being bullied by her friends and didn't know why. I am not saying I was innocent but I am saying she pushed me over the edge knowing I loved my son so much and she didn't have a care in the world for him. She has a reputation of being a hard woman bully woman are terrified of her and she gloats in that. My life completely changed after being with her. I have nobody and I don't mind that but knowing people got me all wrong because of what she said she did and now I am the odd ball in my area. She and my boy smoke skunk and its costing a lot of money my boy borrows up to 700 a month off me if I said no to him there would be a murder and that's a fact. I just took 10 Valium 10mg I know it wont do any damage and I need to chill because I am full of the past and why my life is so messed up. The family haven't a good name but neither have I so we just as bad as each other. I have hidden away because I am ashamed. If I told you what I did when I had a breakdown people would know who I am straight away in my area so I dare not it so out there So nuts and that's how people see me but they don't know the full story and that is ssso frustrating. I am a mess right now and need to go for a drive and a chat to myself about the way i am living because not talking to anyone for weeks at a a time is getting to me mentally.

[Agora1 in reply to Dodo777]

Dodo, this is an unbelievable situation that you are in. Is it any wonder you had a breakdown? I know you are distraught right now but do you think 10mg of Valium is wise and then go out and drive? You are way over the edge right now and need to talk with a counselor. Is that even a possibility? 700 a month is an enormous amount for anyone to pay out to your son. This is serious stuff Dodo. Being isolated from talking to people is making you feel like a hermit playing into your loneliness and anxiousness. I hope you make it back home safely. There's got to be another way for you to handle all the stress your under including your serious medical condition. Maybe others on the forum might have some advice for you. I don't see how you can handle this alone anymore. Take care and stay safe.

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

What it all boils down to is skunk my son is a daily greedy smoker its like living with a heroin addict and he will kick off big-time if he hasn't got it and his mother is a dealer and she straps him he pays me back but as soon as he has he's borrowing again 30 to 40 a day and goes over his mothers and straps even more. I wont to be on my own completely without all the stress. I can handle the loneliness but not the worry and stress about money. I must admit I hardly see my son unless its for a shower weight train borrows and out but its getting worse the money he borrows is slowly going up each month and its my rainy day money its ok for my x she deals grows the stuff and works where I am sitting here stewing in my own juice wondering is my son going to end up in prison leaving me with unpaid bills. His mother knows his money limit I tell her how much I lending him and she still straps him I even had to pay her 80 pounds because she was moaning he should of paid it last week. I f he hasn't got it there is ructions. N o I wont drive now that was me venting. I should of went for fresh air first see how I was feeling after. My head is in such a dark place right now. I need to move away start fresh where nobody knows me.