I've had depression for a long time but didn't realise until lately that I think it is accompanied by anxiety.
My nana died when I was 10 (I'm now 22)and then the past 3 years I've lost all my grandparents one after another, have been in 2 car accidents, been told I'm infertile and suffer daily with depression, severe IBS to the point sometimes of fecal incontinency and I also have asthma and bladder problems.
I have always been quite bubbly and outgoing but recently I have changed.. I am timid, quiet and worry constantly. I work within customer service and find myself stuttering alot infront of customers and if I make a mistake I think about it for days on end...
I used to be a party girl - I used to go out sometimes 3 times a week and get absolutely wasted and have the time of my life. I went on a night out a week ago for my birthday and within a couple of hours I couldn't help but think of the money I was spending, the fact that the music was irritatingly loud and that I wanted to be in my bed.
I worry about literally everything - something as simple as walking down steps, I panic until I reach the bottom because I'm afraid the whole time that I'll fall over and embarrass myself.
I panic about being home alone - What if something bad happens and I'm by myself?
I panic about going to the shops - What if my card declines? What if I see my ex? What if I fall over? What if I can't find a parking space? What if I run out of petrol? What if I have another car accident?
I panic at the gym - What if I fall off the treadmill? What if I have an asthma attack? What if people stare at me? What if I accidentally wee myself when lifting weights? - Seriously, this happened on Monday!
Speaking of going to the shops, on Wednesday I literally went to Iceland and I could not focus on what it was that I was supposed to be looking for because I was so worried and I started to shake and walk round the aisles aimlessly with everything looking like a blur. This happens a lot.
I used to not care at all! But now all I do is worry! It's ruining my life and I find myself laid in bed most days not leaving the house because I know here that I can't make a fool of myself or get hurt.
I have panic attacks about once a month ever since my grandad died 3 years ago and usually I know when they are coming and can try to help myself by taking myself off into a quiet area and taking deep breaths. Sometimes they come on straight away though and I am hit with a sudden feeling of panic and irritability. I can't stand anyone to talk to me when this happens and I feel like I can't breathe, feel faint and the sweat drips off me. Usually I feel better after about 15 minutes.
-Not sure if this is relevant or not but I have not had a nights sleep uninterupted for about a year, I always wake up at least twice during the night and lay awake worrying about lots of different things from murderers coming to get me, to ghosts and debt. I am wondering whether this is to blame for my constant lethargy-
I am on 50mg of Sertraline for the depression but am worried that it is doing nothing. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what music I like, what hobbies I enjoy or anything like that.
I'm not expecting to diagnose myself via the internet but would like some advice in regards to my situation, as to whether you guys think this could be anxiety.
Thank you very much. Everyone is so kind here. xxx