I have PTSD and social anxiety. I only work a few hours a week in retail. Usually, I work in slower times away from the busiest crowds. I do okay. I've been increasingly jumpy and making mistakes at work. The summer season had arrived at work. Or is busy as hell! Hundreds of ppl a day. My schedule was changed to have me shelving product right on the heart of those huge crowds on the busiest day of the week all summer long. My first day was last Saturday. I had a very scary panic attack as soon as I was in the crowd. I didn't ask my boss to leave. I explained that I had social anxiety and PTSD and that I have had panic attacks in large crowds off and on throughout my life. And it's gotten worse since becoming a mom. Well, I just needed to click out to calm myself because I was hyperventilating. My boss said I could for a few minutes. But that there was no way she could let me leave just for crying. She has no idea what my disorder is and has no sympathy for it. I'm going to go get on medication just to get me through the summer. I don't go back until Saturday and I've had sweaty palms and chest pains every waking moment thinking about it. Is there any way I can do this without losing my job? I've been with the company for nine years. I handled my anxiety with Pot in my twenties. I stopped that as soon as I found out I was pregnant. And have no disorder to do it again. The thought of doing something illegal and losing my child alone makes my anxiety worse. I know they're going to give me Zoloft and that takes weeks to kick in. I'm so terrified. And they've made it clear that they will not change my schedule to accommodate my anxiety. How can I keep my hob without this terror taking me over? Even my husband thinks I can overcome this and just do it. He's meaning to be supportive. But it just feels like he doesn't understand.
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