I am at a loss of what to do. I went to a neurologist who I'm told is one of the best in the region, and she's told me that unless the movements affect my daily life, she's not going to run any more tests. She told us to come back in 7-9 months. I am literally going to list everything I know off the top of my head about my medical information. I don't know what to do anymore. I am an un-emancipated minor. My parents are divorced with conflicting opinions on several issues. My mother has been the most helpful when it comes to getting me help for medical issues.
- I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression
- I do not have epilepsy
- I do not have a tick
- I do not have an insufficiency of magnesium (don't ask)
- I have acid reflux
- I do not have a gluten allergy
- I am allergic to mold, trees and pollen
- I am allergic to penicillin
- I was in a psych ward for 2 and 1/2 weeks after I attempted suicide*
- Members of the staff at the psych ward told me I was being dramatic, that I wasn't having panic attacks, I was behaving like a 3 year old
- The above has inspired extreme self-hatred
- I sometimes feel that I do not have depression or anxiety, and that I am simply an attention-w**re.
- I had tethered cord, but had surgery in 2012
- The movements include:
- shakiness while experiencing anxiety
- shakiness while NOT experience anxiety
- jerk-like movements similar to a knee-jerk reaction at a regular doctor's appointment
- the jerk-like movements can range from minor movements to a leg lifting off the ground or a hand raising, afterwards slamming back down, I can control it once it's happening, if I want to. There are times when I don't want to (read next bullet points)
- I constantly feel like I am insane, but no one else notices it
- I desire to be insane
- I desire to have a significant health problem
- There are times at which I believe that I am simply an attention-seeking child
- Every few months I come up with another medical problem which I am convinced I have (Cotard's syndrome, scitzophrenia, bipolar disorder)
- there are times at which I experience vertigo
- there are times at which I CANNOT close my eyes for longer than the time it takes to blink, due to a belief that people around me are being taken or are pointing weapons at me (sometimes I imagine myself being taken, and other times I simply experience vertigo)
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*This is how I explain it to psychiatrist: "I did not want to kill myself. I wanted to try to kill myself." These days, I'm not so sure. I think I'd be more likely to if I knew I wouldn't go to hell. I'm a christian, I've been baptised. I'm a liberal christian for F**k's sake (I know, we DO exist). I skipped track practice, walked to the grocery store, found a small knife, bought it at the self-checkout, and walked home. The cuts I used were smaller than what others would do for self-harm. The scars have since then disappeared.