CBT

Hi

After 10 years of being ill my depression has had its highs and lows over this period ranging from having to have crisis team intervention to just plodding along . It all started when I began with Epilepsy at 46 yrs old, my whole world fell apart the job I worked in a school with special needs children , driving was taken away so independance was severed and I had 2 children 10 and 8 yrs respecfully . I have undergone psychiatric intervention and for a while I have floated on being just ok being able to just cope having the odd breakdown . My condition has become worse since other heath issues have reared which have been caused partially due to the medication I take not working with medication for the Epilepsy and causing skelotial problems resulting in spinal fractures etc of which I have had 4 in total to this date. I am now once again struggling with life , my self harm and suicidle thoughts have returned and I just cannot cope with anything the pain , mobility at times and then the stress which brings on the seizures have all become too much to deal with.

I was refferred for CBT on a one to one basis, this in itself put more obsticles in my way questions and above all having to talk once again about me ! Iam still in the programe but I am at a stage where I feel that I dont want to carry on I feel angry at myself about this and that it has come to the stage that I cannot find the route to take other than removing myself out of life itself! Its very hard dont let anyone say its easy as its not ! I am told that its OK to feel like this at the stage I am at ....writing compasionate letters to myself as I am asked to do is hard as I have no compassion for myself , Ifeel like I am still alone in this battle but I also have to be grateful that I have a Mental Health Team that are concerned enough to offer this as a possible solution I am not sure how I will go on Iam not sure even if I will finish the course Its hard and I am trying but is it Ok to feel like this half way through CBT ?

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