I do know one thing for sure... If I have ever judged anyone all these years for wanting to commit suicide to get out of their mental and physical pain.... I really didn't understand and I really did not relate; in spite of going through some REALLY rough times.
I thought I was doing better and felt SO encouraged...then yesterday morning it was like I woke up feeling half dead, horrible feelings and emotions and extreme tiredness... I don't know whether depression of anxiety is 'ahead'... I feel like I'm in a strange nightmare... My Ativan doesn't help... I don't drink, but yesterday bought a 6 oz bottle of Merlot wine, drank 2 oz and that didn't have ANY effect on me but make me more tired.
My family loves me and yet I know they would be ok without me...I am the mom and grandmother... but I worry about who would take good enough care of my wonderful, loving, always there for me, cat whose name is Ervin. He is always right there beside me when I need him the most... I have friends but its not right to always be a downer around them. I am not really considering going through with suicide... but it would be nice to just LEAVE this situation behind...
I feel with love and hurt for all of you going through the same rough times. I couldn't take Prozac or some drug starts with C... made me really sick... but I've read more 'good things' about Sertraline... Maybe my dr would let me try it. I know I do NOT want to keep living like I've been the last 2 days...