I'm 23... Don't know where to start off from... But I just have to let it out because I have been tossing and turning and just couldn't concentrate on anything... I can't go to sleep during the night and mostly try to sleep during the day for a very long time, maybe after I left secondary school. I cry for no reason at all and feel useless, I'm always moody. Every time I try to engage into communicating with family friends or try to do simple tasks I eventually just give up and have no interest in anything at all. I feel as though everything is all over the place... I started cutting my wrist around when I was at the age of 15 maybe and kept continuously doing it for a very long time and also attempted suicide last year, I overdosed on my mums anxiety tablets and was taken to the hospital, after that suicide attempt I have never attempted anything like that or even harmed myself but still get the urges to harm myself and it takes a lot of effort to avoid it, I am a smoker and sort of found support in smoking in order to avoid suicidal thoughts and it helps, I don't think I am able to quit smoking, it's the only way I try to keep my emotions and everything under control.
I usually don't express my feelings at all but when things go worse I can't keep it in, I also wanted to mention that I was a victim of sexual abuse at the age of 11 until I turned 19. I'm a really sensitive person and get hurt easily by words and it's just really tough for me, I don't know what to do at all everything is all over the place... I wanted to start a career and move forward but it's just impossible for me I need advice. Thank you.