I'm 23... Don't know where to start off from... But I just have to let it out because I have been tossing and turning and just couldn't concentrate on anything... I can't go to sleep during the night and mostly try to sleep during the day for a very long time, maybe after I left secondary school. I cry for no reason at all and feel useless, I'm always moody. Every time I try to engage into communicating with family friends or try to do simple tasks I eventually just give up and have no interest in anything at all. I feel as though everything is all over the place... I started cutting my wrist around when I was at the age of 15 maybe and kept continuously doing it for a very long time and also attempted suicide last year, I overdosed on my mums anxiety tablets and was taken to the hospital, after that suicide attempt I have never attempted anything like that or even harmed myself but still get the urges to harm myself and it takes a lot of effort to avoid it, I am a smoker and sort of found support in smoking in order to avoid suicidal thoughts and it helps, I don't think I am able to quit smoking, it's the only way I try to keep my emotions and everything under control.
I usually don't express my feelings at all but when things go worse I can't keep it in, I also wanted to mention that I was a victim of sexual abuse at the age of 11 until I turned 19. I'm a really sensitive person and get hurt easily by words and it's just really tough for me, I don't know what to do at all everything is all over the place... I wanted to start a career and move forward but it's just impossible for me I need advice. Thank you.
Written by
Nilima92
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Dear Nili, I sincerely feel for you. You don't say if you have seen your GP but in my opinion you should see an understanding GP (most practices have a choice of GPs). Very important to find an understanding GP , not all are.
Then write down all your problems as clearly and lucidly as you have done in this post as a reminder to cover everything with the doctor. It would be probably be best to book a double appt. if the practice allows this. Be totally honest with you GP. These problems are not easy and its important for the doctor and you they know the full facts to be able to fix this.
A good GP will prescribe medication to help with your feelings. It won't work immediately but just knowing you have started the road to recovery will make things easier until it does work. You are far from useless and almost certainly have people who love you and care about you. It will help to confide in a close friend or family member , if you have someone who you are sure will respect your confidence.
Turmoil in the mind is a big enough problem without self harm , so if you can please try and stop this (its not an area I understand well.)
As a sensitive person who suffered sexual abuse I am not surprised at your turmoil but you should have, and deserve, medical help to come through this awful patch. At 23 you are far too important to suffer without help. Be as brave as you have already been and you will come through this and go on to enjoy life and enrich the lives of many others.
What Olderal said to you is most excellent advice and I so sincerely hope you will follow up on what she says. I am so sorry for what you are going through, and trust me, people do understand...you are not alone.
The only other thing that I might add is that it might be a good idea for you to visit with a counselor/therapist so get all of your feelings sorted out... They can help you emotionally Let Go of the things that you have
gone through... You sound like SUCH a nice person and you deserve some kind of help and I know the right things will fall into place for you... Its tempting to 'put it off' and always say 'later'... but I would attend to this as soon as possible so you can start feeling better all the way around.
I agree - i don't usually advocate smoking but it must have a calming effect on you. Its best that you do that than self harming.
Try another calming thing - like tapping, hypnotherapy/ relaxation CDs or apps.
You may be more moody as you may be having a bit of a delayed "puberty moodiness" because of all the turmoil you were subjected to during your pubescent years.
Oldereal has given you some fabulous advice that I would only duplicate.
Please, please don't try to solve this on your own. See a doctor and they should refer you to councillor/therapist that you can talk it all through with. And may prescribe meds to help you.
Meds helped me get that little window of opportunity to help myself. Im now off them. I wasn't on them for long but I was starting to sink without them!
All the best to you. Keep us posted on how it goes.
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