What I fear

Okay, so, when my anxiety "started" as in when the panic attacks began with physical sensations, the worst was usually lightheadedness and DR/DP. I thought just to push through it and do what I wanted so then the symptoms would have to go and I had the right mindset until one night I was thinking what it was that I really feared. And it clicked. Every concern I had about my health involved sickness. I am not going to acclaim how scared I am of being sick, because that won't help and it empowers that fearful thinking, but just know it triggered everything anxiety-related. Since this epiphany, my eating has changed and I just....don't like food as much. I get indigestion sometimes (usually with only bad foods, though) but I no longer eat until I'm....full. I also forget to eat. This caused me to drop like, twenty pounds, which I gained some of it back. I'm not overweight, I'm tall, though, but I'm average weight for my height. Oddly enough, though, it's easier for me to eat sweets (not physically because sugar makes me feel gross, but like....psychologically). Anyway, I find I often forget to eat. I used to like eating for eating. Now, it's a bloody chore. I mean I still eat, but not like I used to. Then I'll feel not very hungry and like, the thought of food isn't appealing, but then I'll eat anyway and I'll feel better.

Can anxiety mess with your eating habits like this? On one side it's good because I'm not eating unnecessarily which I always disliked (but I'm a teen; adolescence loves food), but on the other, I'd like to enjoy my meals. When was the last time I really ate until I was full and didn't feel on edge afterwards?

......I cannot remember. Like I've never been a person who wakes up hungry. Maybe because I eat dinner late, but I'm good until noon. Then I eat something light with a drizzle of snacks (protein bar, maybe some popcorn, fruit) and then sometimes forget lunch and other times, forget dinner. If I do forget, I usually make myself a peanut butter or jelly, but like ugh! I miss that full-and-content feeling. I mean, I'm still content with eating, but I'd like the content and the full together. And I know this is anxiety because it seems to conveniently go away when my mind is occasionally tracking another sensation.

[Patittos_]

I feel like that some times.. I do get hungry.. but just the thought of eating makes me me nervous.. I have the fear of eating and something happening to me while I'm eating.. just the thought of me having to sit at the table makes me anxious.. when I do eat with my husband I eat only a tiny bit. . Lately he has been asking me that why.. I usually tell him that I've had some to eat before that or that I had some to eat whilst feeding my 11 month old.. the worst part is if we are out in public and he wants to eat.. oh no that's when I wanna cry... 😔 start sweating and rubbing my hands together.. the food usually doesn't taste good.. it's so horrible to feel this way... 😔 I knw my reply might not help but you are not alone... 😔