Flash of understanding..

[shadow45]

Hi My friends.... I have come to a major understanding about why I have been so negative. Its about control... I am sick and tired of being controlled.... I spent 6 years being controlled by my parents illness... Then after they went into care I was under the control of the housing market ... Then the anxiety came on full force and I was under its control..... The panic attacks the anxiety and the medication I have been told I have to take ...more control...Then getting back to work ....more control of my time... I hate being controlled... I hate being told what to do.... Its been over 40 years of doing what I'm told and I am over it ...I have towed the company line for my whole life and now I want none of it.... On a more subconscious level I have been under the control of society.... You need this... you gotta have that..... I sit in my new place with furniture that I never sit on.... I have three tv sets... I have dishes I`ll never use.... Cabinets with things I never look at ... Stuff I don't need just to be normal and give a good impression to others. Why have seating for ten people when I have three friends ..you know what I mean.... I have a full sized dinner table that I will never use.... When I moved I had to find a place big enough for all this stuff I don't use. Time for a change... steve

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Hi Steve

That is really good that you have come to this understanding about yourself. I would say that would it is a positive step forward.

My problem is that I hate having no control over things. It makes me feel overwhelmed.

I hope you continue to make more steps forward in your recovery.

I just hope that I can one day soon accept my own situation. Xx

[shadow45]

Hi I guess what I was saying in a more general sense.. was control is something that's either pushed on us or we choose what we want to control.... like reacting or acting on things... If we are reacting all the time its not us making the choices.. we are reacting to other influences in our lives... Your health problems you have to react too.. the control there is limited ....but the job thing is down to others to make those choices So we have little or no control over them ...Letting go of things that we can't control may be a n answer in the short term.... And I see now that this anxiety is a problem that needs many short term methods that will hopefully lead to recovery in full..

[hamble99b in reply to shadow45]

You have taken back control of your life, well done!

It is such an important step.

I have 2 rooms full of boxes of things "I really needed" that I would use "when I'm better" (I have another medical condition)

I bought things to improve my life - but can't reach them now.

I saved things because I thought they were important.

Realising and acknowledging that I was not responsible for saving everything, and that I can always buy whatever I need almost everywhere, was such a revelation to me - things had taken an illogical exaggerated importance almost obsession for me.

I'm not perfect, I do still slip up sometimes, but am winning as far as talking myself out of rash purchases.

I'm finding it harder to get rid of things, I can't bin new things, but have no confidence in selling them.

I have given things to charity, but am hurt when they sell a £20 new item for £2 - I'd rather just give them £2 and keep it!

regards,

hamble.

[hairyfairy]

Having a certain amount of control over our lives is vital to our mental health, as Iv`e found out, having controlling parents who damaged me severely.