Is a normal day still possible..

[shadow45]

Hello dear friends. I ask this question to myself more and more... As we all know this slide into the daily work of handling our different issues takes over from our former lives ....Its like changing jobs into completely different occupations.... Before we were sick we were normal and lived like any other person.... But when the bottom falls out we then become (well in my case) someone we wish we didn't have to deal with... The Side of us that we have ignored for too long..... Of coarse its part to f us but it has been pushed down for so long and ignored.... I feel like that now.... Waking to take a pill that will help me be more rational.... Just the automatic reaching for the pill bottle now is something out of the ordinary.... But is now part of this new reality I have to deal with everyday... I did have what I can call a more normal day yesterday.... I had a big breakfast something I hadn't had in many weeks I start now to feel that I need to get back into a routine of eating properly... I found that my mood yesterday was upbeat as I did get back to something close to my old routine from before this all started to happen.... Basically 4 months ago....That's not long in some cases... As some of our members have been suffering for years now.... But for me its been a long time to have this kind of anxiety hanging over me....I have been watching CBT videos on the internet.... And have started to put those thoughts into my head now... So I will continue to watch everyday.... New ways of thinking especially like CBT will help combat the negative feelings I have about so many things.... Getting back to work has been on my mind.... and I do struggle with it... But since I don't really know yet what my daily duties will be I cant get into thinking I wont be able to do them.... CBT teaches me that I can't see into the future And because I am in this trend of negativity I will never see my future as positive....I want to thank all the members who have told me to look into CBT as I feel it is a very good therapy for me...Bless you all ...much love steve

[Hidden]

Hi Steve.

It's awful to hear how you are struggling I just wish there was something I could do to help.I have been fortunate in that my anxiety has never been as severe or debilitating as yours.I really hope you are able to get back to work it's a small step but a very important one.

Keep strong Kenny

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Kenny. Yes it's a bummer living with this Its not the first time i have had to climb out of this hole But it does get tiring And as I get older the climb out gets more tiring Trying to look at the positive side to things now as I do see the top of the mountain One step at a time is the old saying This bloody weather hasn't helped as we are in a rainy and dull day season now The sunshine is a great healer...steve

[Yummimummi]

Good evening Steve

CBT has helped enormously. It has really helped me in the way I think about things. I don't label myself anymore (catastrophising,jumping to conclusions and over generalising).

I really hope CBT works for you.

Have a calm day

Sending you hugsxxx

[shadow45 in reply to Yummimummi]

Yes it all making a lot of sense... and the fact its available online is fantastic... I am looking for a therapist here that does CBT but no luck yet.... Ill stick with the internet for now thanks Yummi much love steve

[Yummimummi in reply to shadow45]

Steve, there is a book called "CBT for dummies"

You can get it from Amazon.

[shadow45 in reply to Yummimummi]

Just ordered it...

[Yummimummi in reply to shadow45]

Its a good book x

[Hidden]

Hi Steve,

I think I might have a look for CBT on line as well. I need something that might help.

I think you have done very well in coping with everything

I am pleased you are eating better as am sure it helps to look after our bodies as well as are mind.

Wishing you well.

Gardener x

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Well I`m not sure how well I have done ...its been very demanding at times.... I am usually a very private person.... Having to go to the hospital several times and weep like a child wasn't the way I had considered my life to be.... But when the sh*t hits the fan we go and do what we think is the only way. we have been told that when In trouble seek out help.. Its unfortunate that when we do look for the help its lacking in the intensity that we need.... Learning to deal with ones own issues has become a billion dollar industry now... There is so much pain and suffering going on in the world. I thought how could this be worse.... But when we understand that these health care people see all manner of horrendous things on a daily basis, someone in tears trying to come to terms with there own life mistakes seems much less critical... xo steve

[Evey37]

Steve it's a proud day when you have a good day and that book is great glad you ordered it. Cbt for today shows my health anxiety is emotional related from a troubled childhood,teenage and adult life which many things have been hidden and pushed away. I would recommend cbt therapy to anyone. You say yours started4 months ago? Any reason you can think of that triggered it? Keep smiling

[shadow45 in reply to Evey37]

This time was like the others in my life .....a big change that left me alone.... But unlike the other events this one took my parents out of my life basically forever.... They went into a care after I had looked after them for 6 years.... I wasn't ready for it to happen so quickly as I all took place within a few days..... They were placed in a facility and they had to go within a week to get the place.... So I wasn't prepared to be alone in a small town where I didn't really have anyone else whom I cared that much about..... I then found out that the house I had been living in for 14 years was going sold out from under me..... I was left to deal with all that..... I hadn't worked in 5 years so my money situation was getting seriously low.....I didn't really want to stay in this town... but I really didn't have the money to move out of it . Looking for a place to rent was a shitty thing as I had been living in a very nice home and have been used to a good life as it were.... So I did find something I could afford but it took 4 months of hell.... I was trying to control loss grief anger anxiety abandonment fear depression etc

When I moved my beloved Cat Shadow ran away the day after I moved her... That was the last thing I could take... and basically fell apart with grief... I lost my best friend to Cancer in 2012 ....I lost my uncle to heart disease in Dec 2013..... So many things came at me at once..... Plus I had been living a life in a fantasy world really not thinking about my future... I have lived a life of risk taking... But not the good risks.. where something could come of it... I was in a self destructive mode

[Evey37 in reply to shadow45]

no wonder you have anxiety...I think most constant anxiety is our way of crying out for help ourselves shouting look at me I need attention too. Sorry you been through so much in a short time that's enough to send anyone over the edge. If you ever need an ear just let me know not sure how the one to one message thing on here works but I use another chat app that's instant chat

[shadow45 in reply to Evey37]

I do come to the site everyday just to say a word or two and check in on some members I have close friendships with.. I don't know how the private messaging works eithe...r but I am open in what i say so I don't have any problems with the open message board..... Yes its been a ton of things happening all at once it seems loss has been a constant drain on my life... I have lost friends to all manner of things over the years Illness accidents etc I do appreciate your kind words Evey bless you steve