How can I process my bursting emotions?

[anakin_s]

Hi Everyone,

I hope you guys are doing well. I'm Anakin, been diagnosed with Clinical Major Depressive Disorder. It got triggered over a betrayal from a girl whom I know for 5 years. She likes me and proposed to me in 2018 but I wasn't interested.

We used to talk sometimes, mostly she insisted to talk whenever she was feeling down over her boyfriend. I happen to be single till 2024 from 2018 as I didn't moved on from my 1st lover. I was used to using substances like weed, alcohol. But I quit back in 2023. Around October'24 she shared that she was raped by her ex and she was continuing the relationship because of her ex's blackmailing her. Now she would like feels very suicidal and would like to go to travel somewhere. She requested me to join her. So together we have gone see the sea. But I was noticing different acts behaviours in her. She was not really into travelling actually. She was seducing me and when we agreed upon getting close physically she started abusing me in the room. She slapped me and told a lot of shit stuffs.

After getting back from the tour, I came to know that it was her plan get the revenge because I refused her proposal back in the past. Over this 4 months I lost interest in everything, lost my job, my health is getting worse. And my emotions are bursting. I have seen a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with MDD. I have been seeing a Psychotherapist as well but feels suicidal and very anxious most of the days. I can use help and support to process my emotions as I get to see my therapist once a week.

[LazyXrayEyes2255]

you should be very careful in matters of the heart and protect yourself. You deserve better and keep looking for someone nicer. You need true love and that takes time. In meanwhile you should understand and care for yourself. Look after your mental health!!! Priority!!!

[anakin_s in reply to LazyXrayEyes2255]

Thank you. After 2 days of the tour she called me one night and she was having sex with her ex and moaning over the call. That night it felt like the sky fell over me. And became a Trauma for me. I live without my family, I feel like everyone will betray me now. How can I ask for help of my family. My family isn't that much educated and from a village, they don't know anything about mental health or it's not normal to get into a relationship before marriage here. I'm suffering alone.

[Zack_S]

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by McKay et. al. (2019) found on Amazon. I usually suggest this for my clients when beginning to process depression and such.

[anakin_s in reply to Zack_S]

Thanks. I feel very anxious and feels like I drown in the thoughts whenever I feel or remember these things. It makes me very disappointed in myself and feels like suicidal sometimes.