Anger, anxiety, and depression have put our marriage on hold

[LuvsStarWars]

Recently I had a rage incident where I lashed out at my wife for no apparent reason. The one thing that gets me through my boring day at work is knowing that when I do my afternoon run to the bank and post office for my company I can call my wife and talk to her. I get to hear her voice and find out how her day went.

Well on this particular day I called and there was no answer. I thought "no worries, she's not near hervhone for some reason or she's taking a nap." No problem. I get back to the office and finish out my day at work, clock out and start to head home, I call again. Still no answer. Again no worries, she is almost definitely taking a nap at this point.

I drive home and walk in the door. I see her sitting on the couch when her computer on her lap with the credit card webpage up on her browser. Again no problem, she said she was going to make a payment on the card today.

I walk back to my hobby room to put down my computer bag so I could go back and greet her and start cooking dinner. When I hear her say in a frustrated voice, "I just want to make a payment on my card!"

I don't know what happened but I came out of my room hotter than a horseshoe in the forge fire. I go into the living room screaming and cussing and slinging vitriol like it was hotcakes. I was kicking the couch, getting into her face and screaming at the top of my lungs telling her I was fed up with her always ignoring me.

This of course is not true, she doesn't ever ignore me. Sometimes she doesn't answer the phone because she has to have it on silent where she works. And she doesn't always turn the ringer back on when she leaves for the day.

Her frustration was that I had told her that all she had to do was goto the website and use her thumbprint to login. What I had not realized is when I had set up the login and password in my computer I forgot to share the credentials across our family group.

So, because I made a mistake, my anxiety, depression, and anger all came to a head and now we are living apart. We are chatting through messages, and we both want to work through our own issues. But I really scared her that night, I scared myself, and now I am looking to get myself in a better frame of mind so I can be healthier, and hopefully bring her home from my brother and sister-in-law's house.

[Mikhail_N]

Your story is very familiar to me. There was a moment when I couldn’t overcome aggression (just like my wife sometimes) and had a burst of emotions. We both admitted that we want an emotionally secure space. We are learning to separate emotions from rationale. This approach has worked for me when I have the energy