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separation anxiety and anxious attachment

Coolgreys profile image
11 Replies

Every time we part, I feel this awful emptiness. I just want to lay down and wallow but I know (from experience) that will only prolong and emphasize the emptiness. The best thing to do is to try to remember how to live again. How did I enjoy my time before we hung out? It was only two days ago but being together is a blissful high. How do I replicate that on my own? or How do I go back to doing my comparatively mundane hobbies after that?

Perhaps, as with most insults, Time is the only remedy. I’ll come down eventually and find my routines adequate again.

😕

do you experience separation anxiety? What helps you? If you don’t experience separation anxiety, what is your thought process that prevents it?

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Coolgreys profile image
Coolgreys
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11 Replies

sounds more like you’re depressed than anxious.

Coolgreys profile image
Coolgreys in reply tolitethatnevergoesout

Huh, interesting.. 🤔 I agree

mizzou7016 profile image
mizzou7016

do you enjoy your "mundane hobbies?? do the "mundane hobbies" occupy your mind in a good way?? sounds to me like you need to change your mindset...how do you replicate that....by finding things to do that bring you as much happiness as the individual did...when you talk about your mundane hobbies....another question I have would be if they are mundane....if you are just doing them to go through the motions.....why are you doing those particular things

Coolgreys profile image
Coolgreys in reply tomizzou7016

hmm… thanks for the thought-provoking questions.

I meant that my hobbies are comparatively mundane to the feeling of love. I wish there was a substitute. I don’t think I’d have problems with anxiety and depression if I had something that could replicate the happiness I feel with this individual or that could match the high of love in general. Otherwise I’d be doing that all day everyday. I’m sure there is a mindset dysfunction here- irrational feelings of loss and abandonment, uncertainty- probably due to some childhood trauma. The knowledge of something doesn’t make you impervious to it unfortunately but perhaps awareness of what’s happening can help with processing the feelings.

I gradually re-adjust and am able to enjoy my time again but it’s always initially hard. and honestly, my mental health always feels like it’s being held together solely by sheer force of will and constant vigilance. I do have to go through a lot of motions to keep it together but they are things I consider fun, beneficial, and/or interesting, but really, nothing compares in my experience.

Do you have a method or activities that provide a sustainable happiness high?

mizzou7016 profile image
mizzou7016 in reply toCoolgreys

that's a tough one for me....my job has taken me down a lot of dark unlit roads...I struggle with seeing light in the dark...literally and figuratively...I have learned some coping skills...but my pitfall is not taking the time to do those things....journaling is big for me right now....helps me collect my thoughts....I am also a fluid art artist...but my life right now is so busy that I can't get to it.....main thing for me is to remember to take me time....another thing that popped in to my brain about this is....you need to think of it more as saying see ya later.....instead of saying goodbye.....goodbye sounds so permanent....so final.....you will see them later.......unfortunately to me it sounds like it won't be for a while...but it's not permanent....talk to them daily if you can...

PadThaiNoodles profile image
PadThaiNoodles

I build model trains. But in a depressive episode I lose interest in that too. I just have to wait it out.

Jefferson, CO, 1924
Coolgreys profile image
Coolgreys in reply toPadThaiNoodles

Wow! That looks so cool. I never considered building model trains but I can see how absorbing that must be.

And yes, it’s usually just a matter of time. This too shall pass.

mizzou7016 profile image
mizzou7016 in reply toPadThaiNoodles

Pad...do you build the buildings too.....those are amazing

PadThaiNoodles profile image
PadThaiNoodles in reply tomizzou7016

Yep.

Jefferson depot under construction.
mizzou7016 profile image
mizzou7016 in reply toPadThaiNoodles

that's awesome......love this....how big is your current display??

PadThaiNoodles profile image
PadThaiNoodles in reply tomizzou7016

It's a 'G' shape, 18' x 18' -- but it's only about 35% built. 10 years in.

Beaver dams.

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