Hi everyone I've been on here a while, but haven't posted in ages and I'm just seeking some support for help with how I'm feeling at the moment. My story is a long read but I'll share what I can as this is anonymous.
OK so where to start well I'll probably start from the beginning. I was born with a genetic bleeding disorder carrier gene that is rare and I believe is the root cause for all of my health problems but I never managed to pin down any of my problems until recently. The bleeding disorder gene I was born with is Haemophilia type A.
Now this has caused endless amount of issues throughout my life and i will just add a list.
* aniexty and insomnia and sleep troubles
* irregular menstrual cycles and dealing with blood clots and heavy bleeding and just all the faff that comes with that.
* various physical traumas
* coordination troubles and dizziness
*vision troubles with blurriness and maintaining focus despite just recently have been for an eye test and getting a new prescription for my vision.
* trouble with emotional mood swings going from irritation to crying and being energetic in between without settling on one thing.
*nerve pains in forms of pins and needles shooting pains numbness and tingles.
* joint pains due to a lot of trauma from clumsiness as a child and teenage/adulthood
*zoned out and not paying attention to things off in my own little world.
*socially overwhelmed easily and either withdrawing from people I don't feel comfortable with initially and/or bombarding people.
* had a huge mental health breakdown 9 years ago
*struggles with weight loss and being obese from puberty and the negative body self image and self esteem around those issues and being told "Oh just eat less and move more"
*swelling in joints that cause me to have accidents and causing more pain to my body.
*skin condition issues where nothing I've tried has worked when things have cropped up before.
*can't take certain medications due to issues with a lot of side effects.
*bladder and bowel issues
*always feeling hot and cold when I get sick and cannot regulate my temperature correctly.
*realising that no-one can see my pain.
*bruising easily after trauma.
*cramps in my calves etc.
*sharp shooting pains again in my hips and in particular on my left side.
By now that sort of covers most of what I've been through, I've also been through a lot of trauma throughout my life as well again apologies but here are a few examples:
*being taken advantage of with my money by various people throughout my life whether it was previous relationships friends, strangers or partners.
*making concentrated effort to meet up with people to maintain friendships and not receiving the same in return and attempting to remain friends with ones I've had for a long time.
*dealing with bereavement and loss of loved ones from a formative age, I lost my dad at 14 almost 15 and have no biological grandparents left now.
*feeling guilt around the pressures of a work life balance which with some changes in my job has eased thanks to new senior management team 👍
*dealing with over alertness and fear around big groups and crowds of people which is very overwhelming to me.
*potentially realising I could have ADHD or autism as a 35 year old female.
*feeling bias from GPS and trusted health professionals due to my physical appearance and them not seeing the root issues of what is actually going on and getting the correct treatment I need.
I have tried several things to help me but I overdo it and stress my body out and these negative-positive cycles have occurred throughout all of my adult life.
I have attempted to:
* seek support where I need it and not getting what I feel could help me and giving up easily
*many diet and workout routines, having moderate success and then other stuff happening causing me issues then i get stuck back at square one again.. however i recently started weight loss injections but that lead to how I'm feeling at present.
*being diagnosed with sleep apnea and migraines although I suspect my sleep apnea diagnosis may be incorrect due to other factors as listed above.
*taking sick leave when needed but feeling guilt to go back to work too early when I am not ready.
Positive from this;
*I've lost body fat through my weight loss medication and maintaining a healthy diet at the moment.
*actively attempting to practice self care which is hard when I'm in constant pain
*paracetamol helping me out somewhat but don't want to damage my liver.
*I've rarely drank for a long time now, I'll have one socially but that's about it but now with alcohol free options becoming widely available that will help me be ok with an alcohol free lifestyle. (I will have to get rid of my gin but oh well!)
*slowly but surely working through my clutter dumps around my flat i share with my wonderful supportive partner.
*having a good place of employment where i feel settled I have occupational health support and having understanding from senior management and a few trusted colleagues around me. I've worked hard to get to where I am and that has earnt me respect with my colleagues.
*learning to walk away from situations that don't help me and going to ones that support me better.
I'm going to make a GP appointment as soon as my Dr's opens at 8 this morning and hopefully some support to get back on track and the testing I need to go forward with my lifestyle and to continue with my health journey.
I know it's a long read and thank you for reading so far 
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