Seeking help through conversation

[ToxicSpikes]

I am going through losing my relationship because I am a conditional lover and I want to change my ways and learn how to love properly, I have anxious attachment and bipolar 2 and have just been to the mental hospital. I use manipulation tactics to get people to stay and I can’t recognize when I’m doing it.

[Rufus07]

Did the mental hospital do anything for you?

[ToxicSpikes in reply to Rufus07]

I thought so it taught me a lot about what’s going on in my own head and how to manage my symptoms

[Rufus07 in reply to ToxicSpikes]

As weird as this may sound, I can’t imagine leaving my dog to go to the hospital. We are lost without each other. I know I should put my mental health first, but I can’t imagine being without him. Maybe I will get to the point of having to leave

[ToxicSpikes in reply to Rufus07]

I get that, my cats are my everything. I’d see if you could make them a support dog and take them with you!

[Rufus07 in reply to ToxicSpikes]

I thought about that.

[Nothing_but_books]

Love is conditional. Conditional on not tolerating abuse or neglect. Those are REASONABLE CONDITIONS.

Problems in childhood can lead to all kinds of problems with relationships later.

Taking too much crap is just the flip side of taking too little. It all comes down to fear.

Work on you -- you're not alone here. I experience both problems. Trauma and anxiety are at the root.

[ToxicSpikes in reply to Nothing_but_books]

In your experience how do you manage and remind yourself daily to be better?

[Nothing_but_books in reply to ToxicSpikes]

That one's hard for me, because I have memory issues.

Don't laugh, I stick Post-Its here and there around the house, to remind myself to do little things. Sometimes they work. "Drink water" is one I really struggle with. Get X, Y, and Z done happens on the good days.

How about you? Have you got anything that helps?

[ToxicSpikes in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I’ve tried those too, what I’ve also tried is notes in my phone but they’re so easy to ignore that it feels like I need an unskippable add lol

[Rufus07 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

My memory isn’t to good either. But I haven’t got to the point of sticking notes. I don’t really have anything that helps.

[fauxartist in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Do you use colored ones that distinguish each group of tasks .... I do that in word when I'm writing....

We need all the help we can get....we could be the brain fog gang....memory? I forgot....

[Nothing_but_books in reply to fauxartist]

I'm intrigued by the idea of distinguishing tasks by color. How do you use Word to do that? Different color fonts?

Where's a "rueful laughter" emoji when you need one.

[Rufus07 in reply to ToxicSpikes]

I don’t manage. I have no coping skills that help.

[Rufus07 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

One of the things is that I didn’t have any trauma from my childhood.

[Albatrossss]

Your honesty and self-awareness are admirable. Acknowledging the need for change is the first and most important step. Therapy and support can be really helpful for managing anxious attachment and bipolar 2. Over time, you can learn to love and relate in healthier ways. Change takes time, but with your intention and effort, improvement is possible. You’re not alone, and help is available!