Need help, don't know where to start

I've come to the conclusion that I do need help with my bipolar disorder...I feel like it's out of control. My mood swings are Horrible Lately and I'm taking it out on those around me. I lost multiple friends due to my mental health and self isolation, and I feel so alone. I miss my old self, before it hit. I never cared about anything, now every small thing makes me start overthinking. Is there any way I can get help minus the meds?? They mess me up everytime and then I don't know who I am anymore... I cant recognize myself on meds. I hate that meds chance you, and I know change can be good, but im scared of change. The way I think isn't the same since way before I ever started meds. I'm not currently on any, because I stopped taking them. But I'm trying to see what other ways I can help and manage my depression and bipolar disorder without meds. It's like a last resort to me. Sorry for the rambling and I know it's all over the place. I forgot my password so it's been awhile since I've been here

[Hidden]

Also, any tips on how not to be scared to trust anyone or let my guard down with relationships/friendships would be great too. I struggle with letting ppl in due to things that's happen in the past. And I'm tired of being lonely because of that too 😞

[Fearnoone]

I’ve been on meds for over a decay. It sucks, but it took several medications before I was prescribed the one that helps. Medication does help me.

[Hidden in reply to Fearnoone]

I've been told that. I'm just anxious of going through multiple different ones

[Willow73]

Just wanted to say seeing this sending encouraging vibes. I honestly don't know about your disorder and no meds. You might reach out to NAMI and see what resources is out there. I not necessary pro med but for myself it took awhile to find the right one for depression. There are probably ways naturally but how and what level not sure. Look into supposed groups.

[Hidden in reply to Willow73]

I've been told it takes time and many different tries sometimes. But some reason I'm so against it. I don't wanna go through trying to find the right one, all the effects and negative thoughts

[Franklin68 in reply to Hidden]

That is very true for many of using meds for relief.It can be scary and frustrating. I applaud you for trying to use all available resources and techniques without medications to control your symptoms

I too am bipolar. I tried for over a decade to handle my symptoms, holistically, but finally succumb to it all. Life pretty much sucked during that period.

Then I spent over a decade trying to find the proper combinations and dosages,. Although I got some relief, I still was suffering pretty good.

During that time I went through the fear of if I eliminated one medication or tried a new one, would I feel worse, because I did get some relief as I said. I also went through numerous side effects also trying different meds.

Very unfortunately, it was what I needed to go through to finally find the right combinations and in my case specifically dosages. I believe many people will concur that they too have gone through that.

I had no choice really. The symptoms were too great for me to have even a decent life. So I guess it comes down to a choice, like the one you’re making now.

I will tell you, though, that when I finally found that right combination, I’m almost all symptom-free.

To me ,going through that process of finding the correct meds was well worth it.I never gave up trying, even though it can be exhausting.

I’m not saying it’s easy or that there’s a guarantee or that it’s not downright scary at times.

What I’m saying is if whatever you’re gonna try and you are trying, doesn’t give you enough relief from the anxiety ,depression, mood swings, racing thoughts, ruminations, and for me, manic episodes, then you have a choice to make.

I encourage you to try to do everything you can to not let fear stop you from the possibility of getting your life back. It could happen!

However that ends up being

Very best to you AB01

[Hidden in reply to Franklin68]

Thank you so much for your reply. Seeing your experience helped me look at it in a better way. Ive been dealing with this for like 4 years or more now, and it is very tiring. I try to distract myself, or warn people ahead of time how i can get. But it never works. I've been highly thinking about just overcoming and trying til i find the one for me. But again, fear is a hell of thing I'll tell ya...it's stopped me from doing so much in life. For some reason, I always look at it as I'm weak or something needing meds. I know it doesn't and I'm not saying people who take meds are, I've just personally felt like i look that way if im on it. Because I see so many living and loving life without meds, and I yearn to be that way too

[Franklin68 in reply to Hidden]

I’ll totally understandable.

For me with my disorder, my wires. I have a

For me, the meds connect those wires.

I am lucky my heavy duty anxiety doesn’t come with much fear or at least I feel like I’m afraid of much. The only thing I’ve really been afraid of is people ignoring me when I asked for help to try to figure thingsI. I know it’s easy for one to say, but try your very best to work at it by doing research, looking at videos on YouTube, ideas from the site, to overcome your fear so that you can get to the root of the problem, whatever that might be

Best

[Franklin68 in reply to Franklin68]

Sorry forgot to proof. “ All understandable.”

“ my wires are frayed”

“ not afraid of much “

[Hidden in reply to Franklin68]

I won't lie, lately I've been the loneliest I think I've ever felt

[Hidden in reply to Franklin68]

Thank you. I've had many toxic relationships and friendships too. And I have no one to look to talk to or anything

[Franklin68 in reply to Hidden]

It totally sucks to be lonely. I’m in a season of that myself. I’m fighting it though ,as best I can. I try very hard to not give up or in.

I’ve recently joined two groups ( Meet Up & Stutch)to attend events and hopefully meet some new friends. I moved to be near my grandson’s four years ago and I still have no friends.

As I said though , I was pretty darn sick and it was tough to get out there and try, so now that I’ve been blessed and feeling human again, Im bound and determined to break that cycle.

Believe me it’s not easy to do after what seems like lifetime of rejection, especially from my own family regarding my horrible symptoms.

Rejection has become a massive trigger for me, so by putting myself out there ,I’m risking running into that. In fact, I know will happen, it’s a nature of the beast.

But, for me, it’s kind of like whether or not we go after the root of the problem with our illness or we use other techniques to help cope. It’s a choice.

I’m willing to risk to break this cycle of loneliness, no matter how scary, frustrating, or the pain that may come from it.

For me, the pain of loneliness is worse than those things

I pray for God to bring you a friend you can see, hug, talk with , and confide in

Don’t give up AB on any of it. Fight that fear the very best you can! It certainly helps to feel better first, so interaction is easier

I pray for answers for you

It can happen!

[Hidden in reply to Franklin68]

Thank you. I fear rejection too. I'm never been good at making friends. But I had a few, I lost bonds with them bc of a relationship and I'm having a hard time letting go of people who don't deserve me and treat me right .. it's a difficult and hard process

[Kendramonique]

When I have alot of thoughts going on in my head. I like to listen to church stuff on you tube. Like pastor keion henderson or sara jakes. I look up depression or whatever I'm going though. Prayer answers all. Trust me. Stay strong you got this. I pushed away alot of my friends also. But the right ones will understand trust me.