Trauma Bonding

[90sCountryMusicfan36]

Up until last month I never knew this was even a thing, but I realized I made a very bad mistake entering one of these bonds 20 years ago. I was young, hurt, depressed, and had absolutely ZERO love for myself. The effects of this bond still haunt me today even though I ended it 4 years ago after 16 looooong years. Has anyone else experienced trauma bonding here?

[Rufus07]

what exactly is trauma bonding?

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to Rufus07]

A trauma bond is a strong emotional attachment that forms between a person and someone who abuses or mistreats them........it can be like Stockholm syndrome also. The part I experienced was being attached to an older man that constantly mistreated me then offered positive reinforcements and promises to never do it again but it continued!

[Rufus07 in reply to 90sCountryMusicfan36]

Thank you for the explanation.

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to Rufus07]

🫶🏽

[AllDone67]

It is more common than many people realize. Getting out of the destructive relationship is the first step and the second is to work on your emotional wellbeing so that you are not as vulnerable to another one. I hope that you are on a path to realizing your worth and value.

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to AllDone67]

Yes, it really is. I started on the journey of realizing my self-worth about 6 months ago. There have been so many ups and downs, trials and errors, and mixed emotions but every day I awake I desire to keep pushing and make a choice to be happy regardless of my circumstances. I use positive affirmations and vision boards too......

[ThreeBigDogs]

Sounds like you're doing great!

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to ThreeBigDogs]

🙌🏽

[Downinil]

IF you only knew how many times!

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to Downinil]

🥹......sorry to hear that but I understand how sometimes we just want to be loved and even fake love can be accepted during lows.....or at least that's how I felt. I just wanted love I didn't really care how I obtained it. I was desperate to feel something other than what I was feeling. I had no one to tell me what I was doing could wreak havoc on my mental health. I learned the hard way and I dealt with so much pain and resentment towards people that I felt should have been there for me.........THEN, I realized I am responsible for my own life and had to OWN my own mistakes/bad decisions 1st before healing could take place. The relationship I am in now is the best but I am sometimes guilty of projecting and that causes problems for us at times.

[Downinil in reply to 90sCountryMusicfan36]

An important lesson I’ve learned is love starts from within. If we don’t feel worthy of our own love and respect how will we truly appreciate love and respect from outside sources?

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to Downinil]

Omg yeeees! I just told my daughter(21) that yesterday. I was basically saying how could expect someone to love and want to be with me when I did love or want to be with myself. Smh, I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm glad I finally started doing the work that needed to be done. Prayerfully, I get the victory! Thanks for your input🥰

[Downinil in reply to 90sCountryMusicfan36]

Anytime I can help I’m here.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to 90sCountryMusicfan36]

What you said about feeling pain and resentment towards people you felt should have been there for you really hit home. I've never recovered from a betrayal that happened years ago.

You're right, I am responsible for my own life.

I won't go into details, but I was assaulted. After a childhood of neglect and abuse, I expected to be protected by the parent who had never been there for me before. I was in danger, and of course a parent protects their child. I was wrong. Of course I was.

The event happened long ago, but I'm breathing hard now remembering.

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Something about the pain of that type of betrayal just lingers. I find myself having to go back and forgive those people over and over again. It was a long time ago but I'm still hurt and angry. I just learned to cope with it better and I hope you can too. I read somewhere that unforgiveness was like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die. That statement was the only reason I decided to even attempt to forgive them in the 1st place!

[Nothing_but_books in reply to 90sCountryMusicfan36]

I know forgiveness is important to some people, and I'm glad it's helping you. It's important to me to deal with and heal the anger and pain, those are about taking responsibility for my life. I will not forgive an entire lost childhood.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

NBB

I'm with you on this. I won't forgive and I don't need to in order to move forward. I remember crying in a therapy session because I kept hearing " forgiveness would help me" My therapist said not necessarily and to put that pressure I was feeling behind me.

I love your words " I will not forgive an entire lost childhood"

We were ruined and it is our job to heal the destruction. I have done it without forgiving my tormenters.

❤️🐬

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Dolphin14]

I know you have!

You're giving back to our whole community being here, sharing inspiration and hope.

💜🐬💜🦔💜

[Dolphin14 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

❤️❤️

[orangesmile]

Yes, I've experienced it. I trauma bonded with someone in high school and it took me until about 5 years ago to end the relationship. I was depressed much of my teenage years and I made a friend who was also depressed. Fast forward 20 years or so and it began to be more of a me giving and her taking constantly. We never hung out or talked about anything except problems. She only called me when she needed money or a ride somewhere. It was a very draining and exhausting relationship for me. Finally is have enough and just stopped responding or calling her back. At first I'd say I was busy until eventually I just stopped. I've felt so free, however I can't say that was the last relationship I've had like that. Its a work in progress for me honestly.

[90sCountryMusicfan36 in reply to orangesmile]

Wooow, sorry you experienced that but there is a saying that goes When you learn better you do better. I believe that's true. I'm glad you ended that friendship and hope you find the strength to end any other trauma bonds you encounter 🥰

[orangesmile in reply to 90sCountryMusicfan36]

That's so true when you learn better. I'm glad you ended yourself as well. And thanks you. I'm working on it for sure.