tomorrow

[Rufus07]

tomorrow my partner and I are going on an outing with his boss and wife. My anxiety is driving me insane cause I don’t want to go. I have social anxiety also and the thought of being around so many people is killing me. I will go because he really wants me too, but I don’t want to embarrass him by being my sad self.

[Raindrops3]

I get the same way when I have to go to social events with my boyfriend. Thinking of believable ways of faking sickness is the first thing that comes to mind even though I never end up doing it because I don't like lying.

[Rufus07 in reply to Raindrops3]

I could tell him I don’t want to go, even though he already knows that, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings like I always do when I don’t do things with him, which is 99% of the time. I honestly don’t know how he puts up with me. It’s like we live separate lives and I hate it.

[Vonus5591]

I used to avoid but it is better chance to learn about others. See life through there eyes. The most interesting conversations can start and you will find yourself listening to every word and if not you can liven up conversation

[Rufus07 in reply to Vonus5591]

Thank you for the advice, but I just have no desire to have conversations because I have nothing to say or contribute. I just don’t care

[Vonus5591 in reply to Rufus07]

Sorry to hear that

[Rufus07 in reply to Vonus5591]

Me too

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I understand that. I, too, worry about embarrassing him and myself. But avoiding things makes the fear real and therefore makes the anxiety stronger. What I do is, I go, I listen to people. Lite conversation. But I tend to go off on my own way like look at things on the walls. If there's artwork I focus on that. And if someone asks I can tell them, Im just curious about these pieces. And if it's a party I try to find an animal at the house party. If people ask, I say I love animals. Which isn't a lie.

Sometimes Im just honest with people.

I tell them that I get overwhelmed by loud sounds and I have to take a break. But I noticed, people tend to be more accommodating. Because they see you are here, which means you are trying your best.

Sending you love and hugs 🫂 ❤️

[Rufus07 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I forgot to add that I get overwhelmed by loud sounds like people talking too loud and trying to talk over each other. Even when we have friends over and we are outside, I always go in when things get crazy. It instantly triggers my anxiety.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Rufus07]

I had to ask a member of the ambulance crew the other day to stop firing questions at me one after the other, and I don't even consider I have your problems. It's bad enough when they come in and it's "Where's this? where's that? How ...?" I know they came to take my partner back to hospital after a failed discharge, but I've just come out of hospital too, and caring for my partner takes a 24-hour toll on me. I don't need more pressure.

[Starrlight]

you will manage. I believe in ya! I have social anxiety too and am getting people to come together for my son’s bday in a week. I know it will be more fun if that’s the way I chose to view it but as you know anxiety is not always rational and so hard to deal with, but each time we do it without avoiding we triumph in huge ways.

[boojiboo]

Take ear headphones, ear plugs for lessening noise accommodation to help mitigate your disability. Let your partner know that you can do this amount of staying and then go in your vehicle and wait until partner is finished with the meet up. Let your partner know that you will accommodate yourself to tolerate the outing and if partner doesn't agree then you shouldn't go. You could even try attending it virtual from your home just ask your partner to bring an extra device so then he can set up the video platform and you'll be there. Hope this helps

[Solocat]

Hi Rufus07! Thank you sharing your concerns. First off, the sole fact of letting it out is an act of victory, something positive against the perceived negativity of it all, so cheers!!

I know it's quite useful to receive such a good feedback from all our friends here who honestly are trying to put themselves in your shoes to go to you through such uncomfortable situations.

Of course, everyone can show the path but you're the one who has to walk it which is why whatever you do is really the most important thing to do. Is there something you could be attracted to or enjoy during your hypothetical time with you partner while being there? Is there anybody you could hang out with and be confident you can tell how you feel while being there so you feel more confortable and at ease? Could you pose this as a challenge for you and say the next day, "See? I made it, I knew I could..." ??

If you feel this is important for you relationship with your partner, you can go for it; but if it is affecting you too much maybe you could share it with your partner and tell your partner you're really working on it.

Please seek some professional help if you feel this is really overwhelming you. The surest thing is your partner will support you if you really work it out and seek professional help.

I wish all the luck Rufus07, please let us know how everything goes!!

[Rufus07 in reply to Solocat]

I have one friend that I talk to but lately it seems like she’s tired of listening to my issues. She says she isn’t, but I’m having a hard time believing her. I’ve seen many therapist over the past 30 years to no avail. Talk therapy has never worked for me so it’s just been the game of trying new meds. I was hopeful with the pristiq I started 3 months ago, it seemed to work right away, people even noticed how upbeat I was, then side effects came, which I rode out, and not I seem worse than I was before.

[Solocat]

Hello Rufus07!

I'm reading you and it so seems like you've been testing your friend a little to see how true she is regarding the attention she provides. Well, my take is to ask her head-on if somehow something is bothering her about you.

You see, everyone has their own issues and sometimes we are so overwhelmed with our own that we honestly, not intentionally, fail to realize they have issues of their own too. And believe it happens!

Maybe you can get together to have a good time and enjoy your friendship, good moments, good vibes and things like that so it can be a pleasant experience when you see each other. Just chat, enjoy, have a good dinner, and have a good night out. Sometimes that's all it takes to enjoy and let problems come and then go.

PS: I'm glad the medication works, albeit at first. Maybe you could talk to your GP about changing it or trying a better one! 😄🍹🥂

[Rufus07 in reply to Solocat]

Thank you for your reply🙂