They always dissapear without a trace

[Against_the_current]

I couldn't go to yoga because of my emotional turmoil over the 50lv and the potatoes. I will lose the voucher for the classes i already paid for. Also my boyfriend has blocked me out of nowhere, without a reason and I'm going paranoid, and I'm on meds and am barely staying awake. And now mom's got 3 free days and she wants to go to the seaside where we went and I'm triggered but if we stay home, we're gonna argue

[Alpakka123]

Hi AtC,

What does yoga have to do with 50lv and potatoes? Do you mean that you were too upset and couldn't calm yourself down in time to go to yoga? It sounds to me like you could use a routine to calm yourself so that things like this don't upset you to the point that it disturbs your everyday life. Somehow you need to find a way to let things go. I know how hard this is; I struggle with similar.

I wonder if you take in others' pain. Do you think that you do this? What I mean is that you want everything and everyone to be okay and get along with each other, and it destroys you inside when it doesn't happen. If you think that you do this, please know that you can't save others. The only one you can save is yourself.

It was you who didn't go to yoga. You can't blame anyone or anything for that. I know that's hard to hear. It's a life lesson to learn how to own our decisions. I've learned that, before I blame others, I have to look into myself and see why I'm blaming others. Most of the time it's because I am mad at myself for not doing this or that but, because it either hurts too much or I can't deal with being mad at myself, I blame others. We as humans do this a lot actually. Just look at your mom. I'm sure if she looked into herself, she'd find only one person she's really mad at: herself. She doesn't want to be mad at herself (maybe because it's too painful?), so she lashes out to outsiders (and, as someone who lives with her, you are readily available).

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

To all your questions - yes

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

Ok, this is good to know. Have you talked to your therapist about the ins and outs of why you are ultra sensitive to the pain on others?

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

I'm not sure especially when I don't have a stable therapist lately. Just my psychiatrist from when i was living in university city said I'm ultra reactive and ultra sensitive to the pain of others but no therapist has noticed it

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm surprised no therapist has picked up on this. It's very noticeable to me (not a criticism) and I'm not a therapist. I am very sensitive to these things as well. Even my pastor picked up on this right away. It's also stated iny medical journal from my therapist that I seem to feel things more than most patients she's known. It's not a bad thing at all, but it does cause unnecessary suffering in us, doesn't it? We just have to keep in mind that, just like others can't fix us, we can't fix other people. Just like we need to learn how to live with ourselves and our choices, so do others. You can't fix your mom; it's up to her to do that. I can't fix my abuser/make her see the error of her ways; it's up to her to do that.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

True. It's an issue i struggle with a lot. And i really needed to hear that i am not responsible for others

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

Oh good. I'm glad that I could help you with that! It's not always easy to remember that.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

Thank you for being here. I feel like the whole world has abandoned me. Like the whole world is deaf to me screaming in pain

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

You're welcome. I'm sorry you feel that way. That's not a good way to feel at all. Can you try and get back in touch with your therapist?

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

He only tells me to move out but doesn't prepare me for work or for taking care of myself. The demons in my head would get too loud alone or at work. I can't do it. I feel disabled. I would do something part-time in my city. I just can't. Just the decision is too much

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

He doesn't prepare you to work or to take care of yourself because that's not his job.

I understand about the demons getting too loud. Maybe this is something you can work on with him? How to deal with times when the demons get too loud.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

It was my parents' job...he said working with me is pointless while im still living here

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

Hi,

What I was getting at is that it's your job to do these things. A therapist gives you the tools you need to help yourself, but it is then expected that you take those tools and apply them to the best of your ability. Therapy doesn't work otherwise.

I'm sorry that he told you what he did. I'm just guessing here, but it might be that he's frustrated. Have you asked him why he said that? It might be an idea to do this so that you have an idea of what went wrong, so to speak.

[gajh]

Why doesn't your mother go to the seaside by herself and you can stay home alone? It would be peaceful for you to have time alone. You could just focus on taking care of your own needs.

[Against_the_current in reply to gajh]

Yes but it would be a fight explaining it to her. Also it's already over