How many people truly hate themselves?

[MiamiJacket84]

And I mean genuine, real resentment towards oneself. I mean hating yourself more than anyone on the planet, hating yourself for even breathing. I mean being unable to even just look at a mirror without feeling repulsed and disgusted by who you see.I'm curious if there are others who have also reached this point and if any were ever able to recover from that. Personally it's incomprehensible to me so I don't believe it's possible that someone can go from that extreme I described to just being a normal person, regardless of how much time it takes. I want to be proved wrong though, I want to believe it, but I can't do it blindly purely based on faithful hope. So I want to know if anyone ever did it, and how?

[LifeIsThePitts]

Yes. It is possible. I'll be 50 in Nov and I've spent the majority of my life hating myself in much the same way you've described. I still don't look at myself directly, in a mirror.

However it will take as much effort, or More, from within yourself to change that narrative. Nothing outside of you, not society or religion or family or job or degree or material item can fulfill this need.

I'm just beginning my spiritual journey and this is what is happening to me since my dog died 9.5 months ago.

First, realizing that my conditions are not me and I am not my conditions are crucial in reevaluating my "identity".

ADHD PTSD TRD GAD recovered addict, childhood abuse survivor, are ALL pieces of a much bigger picture that is Me as a whole. They complete me, but don't define Me. You cannot cut out the unsavory pieces any more than you can make the good ones 100% of the puzzle. ☯️ it's about balance ⚖️ and acceptance of all aspects of self. No one is all good or all bad.

I'm studying philosophy and Buddhism has taken my complete attention. It's what I "discovered" works for my soul. It's what I've been missing from my Life. The purpose, meaning and vision I've needed but didn't know existed.

This is the challenge for you...you have to figure out what language your Soul speaks and give yourself the grace and love you deserve to cultivate your own voice.

Second, figuring out that the various victimizing chastising and bullying voices I've punished myself with in my head, over 3 decades, are not mine... they are the voices of society and religion and my family and my childhood abuser that boxed me into mental traps where I became my own victim.

I've often said I'm mentally the best prisoner and prison warden simultaneously.

I've finally allowed myself to find myself regardless of what anybody says.

Give yourself a chance. You're worthy of self love and acceptance. You're perfect and whole and alive. Be present, be here, be one, be peace.

It.Can.Be.Done.❣️

youtube.com/@egopodcastengl...

This is a channel on YouTube that has 90+ podcasts on Buddhism. They're approximately 10-30 mins long. If you're interested, check it out. I listen to these daily. I really like the 7 part series on the 4 Noble Truths.

[LifeIsThePitts]

Remember

You didn't reach this destination overnight. You evolved into it over many years, I suspect.

It definitely WILL take a hot second to slow the 🚅 bullet train down. Retraining our thought processes is an ardent task. Choosing not to follow the emotional "path of least resistance", which is our conditioned knee jerk reactions, takes effort.

I'm saying it is achievable with the proper tools and attention.

Do you have a therapist?

[MiamiJacket84 in reply to LifeIsThePitts]

Yes but I don't believe it matters much. I do get what you're saying and you're right, a lot of these voices aren't mine, some are school bullies, some are my parents, it's not me. But there is one specific voice that is, without a doubt, me. No one ever told me this, no one ever mentioned this. It is a voice that came about purely through my own personal experience, and it's the voice that says that I am unlovable. It's in the core of everything in my head. Nothing matter if I can never be loved.

[Sunrisetabby]

I have looked in the mirror and seen the devil. I am not normal, but I have realized that all of us deviate at least somewhat from the norm. Although even as the devil I didn't hate myself for breathing, the key for me to move towards recovery has been recognizing that things aren't black and white. In Christianity, the devil used to be an angel, perhaps he will become one again? Stories are powerful, especially the stories we tell ourselves. It sounds like you need to tell yourself a better story. I definitely don't like Tucker Carlson, but I did find his recent podcast with Daryl Cooper interesting because it made me think. In that podcast, Cooper describes Churchill, who I and most others think of as a savior, as the chief villain of WW2. No, I am not advocating going down conspiracy theories. No, I don't think that Daryl Cooper was correct, but I also realized that he was not completely wrong. As an American, George Washington was also always this God-like figure, but truly all his success came about because of his exploitation of several hundred slaves. Winston Churchill, George Washington, and you and me, we are not good or bad, or completely white or completely black, we are all shades of grey, and changing your perspective, and changing the story you tell yourself can radically alter your outlook. I really don't like that slick uaed-car snake oil salesman, Tony Robbins, but still, many of his sermons have nuggets of truth and gems of wisdom, such as Change your Story, Change Your Life. Perhaps worth a listen: youtu.be/hIGeeYrjhRs?featur...(Not working as expected?)