Am I missing out?

[GreenBeanJean]

I have been single for almost 2-3 years now and that relationship came after my break up with my son’s father who I was dating since my senior year in high school. The relationship I found myself in was a fun time but he turned out to be a wolf in sheep clothing so that was a bummer. It’s so hard for me to date. People say I’m too picky and that I should lower my standards but why should I? I’m starting to feel like I’m undeserving of love because it feels like no one likes me or they only see me as an object. I found myself not even wanting to try because at this point I don’t feel like I am enough and when people do try the Icks people give me make me feel even more low because I find myself asking why do I attract these kind of people is it something wrong with me?

[LoveforAll41]

Howdy GreenBeanJean, I am sorry that you are feeling low. Dating and relationships require a lot of work at times. I don't think that standards are bad at all, and relationships take time. The more dating and people the meet can help us decide what standards are realistic and what we can adjust. Can we tolerate someone who isn't super educated if they are a kind person? Can we be attracted to someone who maybe isn't our type if they are fun and kind? I don't know...

I am working on self-compassion and I recommend the works of Kristin Neff on the subject. ☮️

[GreenBeanJean in reply to LoveforAll41]

I think the two questions of “can we tolerate someone who isn’t super educated if they are a kind person” and can we be attracted to someone who isn’t our type if they are fun and kind” is something I always think about because I have been thinking I want to make the type of “sacrifice” in order to be happy with someone but I also struggle because I wonder if those kinds of questions are thought about when it comes to me and it brings me down

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Hello GreenBeanJean

I remember when I asked a former therapist about dating because at that time, I ain't never been with anyone. And I wanted to find some companionship. I asked my former therapist how do I go about meeting someone when I don't have any prospects? Like most men would like it if you had a job or at least looking for a job? I'm collecting SSI. What do I do? She told me to look at social security and check out their programs for finding work. Which was not very helpful considering I was an agoraphobic as well. I knew I couldn't meet anyone. What would I say? "Yeah I know I don't get out much and never had a job. But if you give me the opportunity, you'll see I'm actually funny, caring and I have a passion for arts and science..." Most judge me before they even get to know me.

I later began to focus more on myself. I put dating off. My mom found me a great therapist and I began working on myself. Getting out there more often. Learning to drive and getting good at that. I found myself awake most nights because I'm an insomniac. I was scrolling through Facebook and saw almost none of my friends were online. Despite knowing people in other countries. Only 1 friend was online. Technically I didn't really know him. I added him because he was a friend of another friend. So I messaged him. We started talking. Off and on for a bit. Then after a year we were fully talking on the phone or webcam. After a year of that we decided to meet. Anyways long story short...I'm now engaged to him.

And I didn't sacrifice myself for him. Nor did he. We both have our passions. We are 2 individuals who are on the same journey. What you want is someone who inspires you to be a better version of yourself and vice versa. None of this 50/50 crap. Some days it ain't going to be like that. Some days it's 60/40 because he has been pulling long work days because his jobs needa him. So I have to do all the household chores. Some days he has to pull a 80/20 because my anxiety got the better of me. Is he tall? No Does he have model good looks? No. But I think he's cute. Does he have 6pk abs? No, but I love his strong arms and the feel of his hands in mine. I think we have a better connection than most because we were a long distance relationship. Which means we had to come up with ways to keep a relationship going. And we talked a lot. Because we had too. Since I couldn't be by him. Sex was taken off the table because of it. So we forged a deeper connection.

Now as to your 2 questions. Can we be attracted to someone who isn't super educated but are kind? Can we be attracted to someone who isn't our type but they are fun and kind?

Yes. Because that's is him and I. He is college educated and I am not. However I'm street smart and he is book smart. He's a better accountant than I am. I am a Jane of all trades but a master of none. I know a little bit about everything it seems. Well not everything. Though my man will tell you differently 😂

I'm also a product of that kind of relationship. My dad is literally Forest Gump. When he met my mom. My mom barely understood him because he mumbled a lot. He had a stutter. But he was a great dancer. My mom was college educated. My dad was a dolt. And they were a May-December romance. They probably would still be together if my dad didn't let his "friends" get in the way. They were the best couple. His mother still reminds him how he messed up 😂 My dad and mom are still friends despite them being divorced.

As for your second question can you be attracted to someone not your type but is fun and kind? Yeah. My ideal man was...don't laugh was Will Smith (had a crush on him since Fresh Prince of Bel Air) But who did I fall in love and engage with...a half black and half Italian who looks like he can pass for B Real from Cypress Hill only thinner and minus the red hair. Now that I think about it, he kind of looks like DJ Kid Capri. However he's aging better than Kid Capri because he doesn't drink or smoke.

He's a rapper though. He's fun to be with. And he is kind.

Sorry for being long winded I just wanted to say that you don't have to lower yourself or fit into a nice neat little box of someone else's making. You are worthy of love, respect and kindness. You are worthy of someone who can see your darkness and still find the love in there.

Wishing you love and peace 🫂 ❤️

[GreenBeanJean in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I needed to see this! I have so much doubt that sometimes I just need to let go and stop being so negative and have a little faith. Thanks for this I enjoy a good love story 🥰❤️