Is this something I should change?

[sad_watermelon]

I was thinking last night and I realised that all the "bad" things that I'm doing are part of my personality. I say "sorry" a lot, because I don't want the other person to be hurt, even if I haven't done anything wrong.

I over explain myself, because I don't want the other person to understand me wrong.

I share my feelings, because I feel like the other person should know my opinion about their behaviour/words/actions/situation.

I love to spend time with someone that I love and I sometimes text a lot, want to know how they're doing, want to show them how much I love them...

I often ask for confirmation if after an argument their are sure we're good, if our plans are still on, if they are made at me if I feel like they are...

Apparently, a lot of these are a sign of anxiety and for my experience, not everybody likes it that way. But I really don't see it as something wrong, I just want both of the sides to be ok.

Is it bad? Should I change?

[Alpakka123]

I wouldn't say you should change this since "shoulding" ourselves is being overly hard on ourselves. To "should" ourselves sets up up for the feeling of failure if we can't follow through with it. I would rather say that it's something you can work on. Neither would I say it's bad. Instead of saying it's bad, I tell myself that it's something I'd rather not have to deal with. We all have things about ourselves that we wish we could change. To say that they are bad, though, sets us up for feeling bad about ourselves. And that isn't the goal. I personally think that the goal is to learn how to live in harmony with all parts of ourselves.You are right about it being anxiety. I also think it has to do with a fragile sense of self, a low self-everything (esteem, image, worth, confidence, etc).

[b1b1b1]

Yes, you should change. You may want to consider seeing a therapist. You have a need for excessive reassurance and it is likely that you can never get enough of it. This is painful for you, but, just as important, it gets very annoying for the person whom you are asking for reassurance. I know a lot about this because I have the same problem of needing a lot of reassurance. It is a painful problem and I understand the feeling of not being able to relax until the other person reassures you that things are still OK.

You should try to change, although I think you will need help to do this. I have been told by my psychiatrist to try as much as possible to NOT ask for reassurance, directly or indirectly. Doing that is difficult. See what a therapist suggests for your situation. This may involve finding out the root cause of this need.

[CLB1125]

I agree with both replies. I too am constantly saying Im sorry even if I was the one hurt. Im constantly looking for the “thata girl” that never comes. Therapy could help you to figure this out. I have nothing to offer because I don’t have an answer for you or me!