Internal anxiety

[sad_watermelon]

I just found out that there is something called "internal anxiety" and it's exactly what I feel all the time.

"Internal anxiety" is when you have an internal need (the need to be safe, understood, loved....) and this need is fastly transferred to somebody else, even if you know them for a short period of time.

Par example, you meet someone and you go into 3 dates, you really like them and then you put on them the "responsibility" to help you with your internal need. You want them to text you as much as you need to feel good, you want them to tell you concrete things that make you feel good, you want them to show you as much love and affection as you show them or even more....

And this transforms into a fear. "If they don't tell me all of this, if they don't text me that much, I will feel bad".

So basically you expect someone to satisfy your needs and you are afraid of feeling worst if they don't. And this could be overwhelming for the other person, especially if they are secure.

Now I have a few questions:

1. How to cure this internal anxiety?

2. Does this mean I have to only date people who have the same attachment style as mine (anxious attachment)? Because my first and only relationship was with a secure person and this was the main thing to cause troubles in the relationship.

3. How to not obsess so fast and be more focused on myself so I don't rely on others to help me satisfy my needs, even though this needs can't be satisfied only by myself?