Accepting Anxiety & Not Giving it Fuel

[Maude-Matilda]

I read a post by someone who learned not to fight their anxiety, to not let it control them. They were able to accept it & relax, letting it come along with them until it went away since it wasn't being paid attention to. I would love to hear more discussion on how to work with that technique - any suggestions or tips. It sounds like an awesome approach.

I'm always yelling at "the voice inside my head", the anxious thoughts. Sometimes I ask it/them to step aside, that I'm capable of doing the job. It doesn't work.

[Username1114]

Here is my take on the approach you've mentioned:- when you say "not to fight anxiety" It is more like treating anxiety as protection mechanism that your body is applying because for body the current situation is "perceived" as unsafe (could be due to past trauma/emotional memories). now, when we fight against something, it is like we are in battle where we want to win, so in case of anxiety body is itself in the battle mode (fight or fight) and therefore perceiving anxiety as something which is against you would not help. But that also doesn't mean accepting anxiety as is.

This is mindset related stuff.

It is more like rewiring brain by accepting that my anxiety is there for a reason.

Or I accept that I won't be able to completely take control of it especially when I am not aware/have not worked on my trigger or processed feelings related to past traumas.

It is also about letting go of need to have control on the anxious feelings immediately when they are happening. It is more like accepting attitude towards those feelings where you don't "resist" them (remember whatever you resist persist be it thought feeling or behavior) but let them run their course, while practicing some breathing exercise (to soothe nervous system). Here intention behind breathing exercise matters.

Another acceptance would be this thought that my body is signaling that the situation is somehow unsafe for me, so here I need to make attempts to soothe my body's fight and flight state (and activate parasympathetic nervous system that relaxes body) while staying positive towards my self.

If in anxious situation you are being harsh towards yourself, like "yelling at the voice inside your head" You are somehow making it difficult for your rational/wise mind to take back control. It is like going against your brain. (Brain which is evolutionary designed to pay more attention to negative so that survival can be ensured) so any negative thought that is making you anxious it is just brain doing it's work. Our task here is just to compassionately acknowledge that tendency of brain and work on thoughts that it produces.

The key is not to replace negative thought with extra positive thoughts which are superficial and are likely to be rejected by mind instantly because subconscious is intelligent too,

Key is to first dive deep and undestand origin/roots of your anxiety. Like typically what situations are triggering and when did to start. Any childhood experience??

Then work on those to get long term benefits. (Refering to core beliefs - you can google it)

I can write more. In case you want helpful resources related to anxiety. let me know. Would love to share

[Maude-Matilda in reply to Username1114]

I hadn't seen anxiety thought of in that way. Def early childhood trauma/fears. Always a sensitive kid - lots of things set me off. Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I'm interested in the resources you mentioned.

[Username1114 in reply to Maude-Matilda]

I really like julienhimself channel on YouTube. He is my role model. His videos can surely help you in transformation. He talks about subconscious a lot and the things he mentioned in most of his videos are very evidence based. There is a book called - rewire your anxious brain. Pdf is available on internet. It has helped me a lot in understanding anxiety in general and roots of my own anxiety.

Viewer discretion is required for both. Although these are brilliant contribution by brilliant people but still in case you find anything triggering, feel free to ignore.

[Zhangliqun]

First thing to do is find out what's causing it. Do you have a diagnosis?

Beyond that, accepting anxiety will only feed it in my view, that was certainly the case with me. I think a better way to frame it is to not fear it. Recognize that it is telling you lies about the situation outside your head.

Behavioral stuff helps too. If your face or shoulders scrunch when the anxiety comes, de-scrunch them. You'll be surprised how that affects your mental state.

But again, getting a diagnosis is key. In a battle like this, it's hard to shoot back when you don't know where the shooting is coming from. There may be something subconscious from the past that is feeding all this. Or you may just have certain innate tendencies/personality type that just makes you vulnerable to nameless anxiety. Or maybe a combination of the two.

[Maude-Matilda in reply to Zhangliqun]

Thanks for adding to the dialogue. It makes sense. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, have been a sensitive child early on. Traumas around fear & loss back then. I'm interested in hearing more about this topic.

[Zhangliqun in reply to Maude-Matilda]

I can't help you much with bipolar, I don't have it so I won't pretend I know what it's like. But I do have GAD and dysthymia with spikes of severe depression. To the extent that they overlap I may be able to offer some ideas for coping but ideally others with bipolar should chime in here.

[Agora1]

Hi Maude=Matilda Acceptance of Anxiety was a theory by the renown Dr. Claire Weeks.

A Psychiatrist who herself suffered from Anxiety. In order to help herself and her patients,

she wrote a book entitled "Hope & Help for Your Nerves". That book/theory became

the foundation for many of us over the years. Acceptance in a way of not fearing the

sensations as a Catastrophic Event. Knowing that it is a lie put into our minds which can

reach a crescendo if we don't stop it midcycle or at the beginning.

The minutes we give into that fear it becomes a cycle of fear begetting fear and we're

lost.

For myself, when I do feel stressed to the max, I immediately pull my shoulders down

from my ears and present with an in control stance. I breathe in calm and exhale the

adrenaline. I've been known to at times talk out loud to my fear. "Leave me Alone,

this is my Life and Not Yours" And then the most important thing after that is Action.

If we say it, unless we move forward, it is not believable to our subconscious mind.

I also am constantly Meditating and Breathing before bed each night, mid afternoon

and upon awakening. Listening to self hypnosis and positive thoughts allows me to

relax, fall asleep and go into REM sleep while my subconscious mind absorbs the

positivity it hears all night. Come morning, I meditate in order to start my day on a

positive note. Midafternoon it's about regenerating w/o sleeping and feeling refreshed

both mentally and physically. That is my life now and it has done wonders for me. xx

"

[Maude-Matilda in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much for sharing this! I feel like a lifeline has been presented. It's up to me to grab it, pull myself back - or forward - to my life. I haven't always had anxiety.

[Agora1 in reply to Maude-Matilda]

And you won't always have it Maude Matilda xx

You've got this

[designguy]

In reading through the replies and answers here it could be that your anxiety is due to c-ptsd (complex trauma) as mine was. Some of the things that helped me was learning that anxiety is a paradox so the more you struggle, fight or deny it the more it persists. I had realized this earlier but didn't connect it when I was having panic attacks and realized that if I just let them happen and surrender to them they would dissipate but I was continuing to have anxiety. I found out about the DARE Anxiety book and youtubes, got it and it really helped me in learning how to constructively deal with anxiety and confront it and be ok with being uncomfortable. i also started practicing simple mindfulness meditation which helped me to be able to detach from my anxious thoughts and realize I didn't have to believe them which helped. I worked with different therapists and then realized I had social anxiety disorder from growing up in an abusive household with a lot of shaming and also being bullied in school. I got over alot of my social anxiety but still had anxiety issues and then found out about c-ptsd and found a therapist that specialized in treating trauma/c-ptsd. He used emdr as part of the therapy which was very helpful in helping me confront and process the shame, anger and rage I had at my growing up in an emotionally and physically abusive household and the bullying I experienced. I had denied it for years but it was the source of my anxiety. One of the most helpful things was learning to never believe my anxious thoughts no matter how scary or weird they are, knowing that our mind is hard wired towards the negative in order to protect us and keep us safe, this helped me start to make peace with my mind and myself.

[Maude-Matilda in reply to designguy]

Thanks for sharing on this topic. I especially like that you reconfirmed "never believe my anxious thoughts no matter how scary or weird," that our minds are hard wired towards the negative in order to protect us, crazy as that sounds. Breathe, meditate, ignore, Action & more...

[designguy in reply to Maude-Matilda]

You're welcome, hope you find it helpful. I would even talk back to my anxious thoughts and laugh at how absurd they were or make fun of them, it all helped to separate my real self from them and deflate them.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Same with Designguy. I'm a Dare follower. Dare: a new way to end anxiety and stop panic attacks by Barry McDonagh. He also has YouTube videos and an app. Which is how I came along it was searching for an anxiety app to help me with my anxiety.

It taught me a new way of looking at anxiety. That it's more of a "paper tiger". Sure it looks and sounds dangerous but on closure inspection it's just made of paper.

I learned to accept the uncomfortable sensations that anxiety gives off like sweating, shaking and tummy cramps. Yes they bother me but it's just sensations and they won't hurt me. That's what I remind myself. Just let them be. Eventually they will go away on its own. Something I've tried for years was to ignore but only end up feeding the fear. Having to stop a conversation with friends and excuse myself to the bathroom and hyperventilate in a stall because I'm anxious.

Now when I start to feel anxiety show itself. I'm like "hello old friend. Long time, no see " Not get scared. If I am sweating or shaking that's just my body shaking off this excess adrenaline or energy. I'll be okay. I tell my anxiety I know it's there but I have a life I need to live. So it can come along with me but it's not going to stop me.

That has really helped me in my recovery of anxiety.

[Maude-Matilda]

Thanks for comments on anxiety. Is the response to depression the same? I have both, Today, the major depression I've been struggling with for 5-6 months woke me with that awful scary thought. First time in all these months I had that thought. Been there before, I don't ever want to go there again.