i do not want to be a mom.

[pinkraindrops]

ive been really scared to talk about this but being able to do it anonymously makes it easier. i am 20 years old, i lost my virginity at 16 and ended up giving birth at 17. he is now 3 and its just so hard. His dad is not in his life, im not keeping him from seeing his son, he is just an abusive, unsafe man. I did not want to have a child, ive never really had the desire to want a child. My mother wouldn’t sign the abortion papers which is why i had to have him. i love him, and i care for him but i dont know if its because i had a horrible pregnancy or if its just me mentally but i feel like im not attatched to him like i should be. There are moms my age talking about how their child is there world and i truly love my son so much but i just dont have that attachment to him. im scared i wont be able to give him a good life, im not ready financially or mentally. i can barely take care of myself. i never was a party girl or a going out girl so no i do not want to not have him so i can go out and party. i just cant do it. i force myself to do things with him & i get frustrated. he deserves the absolute world, he is such a sweet boy. i wish i could care for him how he deserves. im not mean to him, i dont neglect him. but i feel like if i continue to feel this way the older he gets the more he will notice it. ive been thinking about adoption but i dont know how my family would view me. especially my mom. i just am so low mentally. i dont know what to do.

[Agora1]

Hi pinkraindrops, we can't force feelings that we don't have. Having a child at such

a young age plays a big part of not having bonded with your son.

Having been a Foster mother as well as an adoptive mother of two, I will agree that

it may be better for you to turn your ideas towards adoption for the sake of the child.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be for both of you. Talk with legal counsel

regarding what you should do including asking about your mom as well.

You will probably need counseling as well so you have no regrets on what you decide.

My heart goes out to you. May you choose wisely and with love for your son xx

[pinkraindrops in reply to Agora1]

thank you agora, i am going to get into counseling and im also looking into open adoption. so if it goes either way i know he will go into a loving family or ill be in therapy bettering myself to be the best mom i can. thank you again.

[Agora1 in reply to pinkraindrops]

I stand behind you pinkraindrops in what you decide xx

[Dolphin14]

pinkraindrops

Welcome to the community.

Have you had any counseling? Talked to your doctor?

This is very difficult stuff to navigate at such a young age. It's important you have professional help to guide you.

You sound very mature. It's quite evident you love your son and want the best for his future.

These are tough decisions you face. We are here to support you

🐬

[pinkraindrops in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you dolphin. i am not in therapy currently but i’ve decided to get back into it. i talked with my mother about it and she said it could be part of my ADHD. im not sure the correlation but im going to bring it up in therapy and see if it is, maybe i coupd get some medicine to keep me focused. i hope it gets better, thank you.

[Dolphin14 in reply to pinkraindrops]

I'm glad you were able to talk about this.

I hope things get better for you as well

[blackcat64013]

Hi Pinkraindrops,Thank you for your post.

Agora and Dolphin have posted good advice about legalities to which I add, have you considered that you might have the post natal depression also known as "baby blues"?

This type of depression can linger for quite sometime after birth if not checked out during a conversation with your doctor or a therapist.

Whatever you decide has to sit well enough you to do x, y or z.

We are here for you all the way 💜 🐈‍⬛

[pinkraindrops in reply to blackcat64013]

thank you black cat, i have not heard of that term before but i will definitely look into it. i dont feel this way all of the time. sometimes i really do enjoy having a son, i think its the thought of me not being able to give him a good life, him having a bad childhood and me struggling.

[catsrock]

No advice, but I totally understand how you feel. I struggled with motherhood a lot as, though I wanted kids, both mine were from unplanned pregnancies and it's super stressful. I hope you find the peace you need in your situation. Sending you lots of hugs.

[pinkraindrops in reply to catsrock]

thank you, im comforted that im not alone in this feeling because i have felt so guilty for feeling this way.

[hypercat54]

I think those mums who say their kids are their world aren't as common as you might think. I hope they have other things in life they love too as no one can completely subsume themselves in others to the detriment of their own needs. It just doesn't work.

Many women seem to do this then end up here wondering why they feel so empty, tired and unfulfilled. We all have personal needs which we have to look after in order to be happy and healthy. Its not selfish but essential.

Is it possible to have a break away without your child for a short time? Do you have enough time to yourself? Could your mum take him from time to time so you can be just you and not a mum?

I would look at these options first. Don't forget your son will soon get older and need you less so he won't be as much of a tie then.

[pinkraindrops in reply to hypercat54]

i was thinking it could possibly because i never leave the house and barely have time by myself. he’s three years old and i have been a full 24 hours without him. i dont know if that is considered “normal” for his age but it is an adjustment because i used to spend summers at my cousin’s house, barely home. he starts school in two weeks which will give me 4/5 hours in the morning. my mother’s schedule is very busy she works 5 days, 12 hours so she sleeps most weekends but i will definitely try to get some time to myself soon. thank you.

[LadyZen]

I second everyone's advice on here about seeking therapy. I also want you to know that adoption is a beautiful option to talk through with your therapist. Holding you in my thoughts.

[pinkraindrops in reply to LadyZen]

thank you so much

[So_It_Goes]

hey sorry things are rough. No matter what you do I’m sure it will be the right choice for you and your son.

I did come across a website specifically catering to the needs/concerns of young parents- Young Parents United: youngunitedparents.org/reso...

It looked like that had federal resources but I briefly read that contacting 211 can provide you with more localized assistance: 211.org

Make sure you take care of yourself ❤️

[pinkraindrops in reply to So_It_Goes]

thank you so much for the kind words and the link!! i will definitely look into it thank you.

[So_It_Goes in reply to pinkraindrops]

Of course ❤️ let me know how you’re doing

[BedBug]

My heart goes out to you. You have to do what is best for the child and you. My sister put up her 3 boys for adoption. They were all adopted by the same family. It was the best thing for both her and the boys. They are thriving as young adults.