Back home. I have hard time adapting and i need rest but im losing my accommodation and I feel bad for not being there

[Against_the_current]

But i was too broken to take care of myself. And dad couldn't send me money. I feel bad i expected to feel better at home and here i am panicking that the lights are off, ac off, tv off....and that im losing my place...I'm not okay staying with her. At my accommodation i made lists in my lead why i hate it there, now i make lists here - she's on my nerves, triggering me, telling me bad stuff and then saying "aren't you a psychologist", not listening to me explaining im not licensed and when i told her i can't work with family, she said "in this logic, i should have left you die when you got allergic reaction instead of injecting you urbason, also at evenings i can't chill, she drinks, gets me mad and i have to stay outside till she falls asleep and when i come home i can't turn on the lights, TV and AC. I came here because my ex told me he's moving to Canada and I lost it, i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat, i vomited, i couldn't take care of myself and the place, i got out of money, the place was tiny and sickening. I have hard time adapting. Firstly i hated it, now i want back especially when dad said it's my last month but i need rest and to recover here. I'm so tired of thinking where to live and what to work, that i need some time. The bad thing is that time is running out and im not having chance to recover. My neighbours kid was amazed how bad i live without a room and without a dad but adults think im just being weak. I would die to have another room. If i had a room here, it would be perfect. If i had one more room there, it would be perfect. But i don't. And now i wonder whether to just get a job in the mall part time and stay with mom or try to find a job in my field and full time to access an accommodation. The thing is that i want to stay in my hometown. There are friends and a therapist in uni city but they're not really helpful anyway. And i got really scared of that place. I need some rest at home but the problem is that im losing the place. I would die to have one more room. I feel like a failure living with mom again. But my mental health got too bad to take care of myself i think

[hypercat54]

As I said on your last post (did you see my reply as there was no response from you?) if you can't look after yourself then someone is going to have to do it for you.

Who do you want to look after you? Family? Professional carers? Do you expect family to? What exactly?

I think it would help you if you could work this out as at least it would give you a direction to look in.

If you think you need a live in place and full time care then look into the possibility and feasibility of it. However you would have to accept the conditions of it and you wouldn't be able to demand exactly what you want. Others will make the rules and decisions, not you.

I'm sorry but I don't see any other option if you are in such a state all the time and can't look after yourself.

Or you could consider getting any job as you talked about and pay your own way more.

Am sending you an alert to make sure you see this response. Against_the_current

I wish you the best.

[gajh]

I am listening. I hear you. I care. It is not your fault.

[SayNOtoPanic]

You can do it Against_the_current. I just think you have to grow stronger in believing in yourself and your capabilities. You didn’t succeed in school cause of others and your mental health could not stop your success. So say hey I can and I will. Maybe take a little bit to rest and reset at home but then look at getting on your own cause that sounds best for you long term. You don’t need anyone else’s negatives and struggles bringing you down. Even family. Lifting you in prayer. 🙏🏻

[SoporRose]

" I'm so tired of thinking where to live and what to work, that i need some time." This is true. It might help if you came up with an idea of how much time you need. Your mom I know your mom's place isn't an easy place to be, but you were always worse in that accommodation.

You're not a failure for moving back to your mom's. That happens to a lot of people. You made the right choice. But do use the time to make a plan.

Do you want to get licensed? What would that involve? What other jobs are you willing to consider besides therapist?

You say you make lists of how bad it was at your old place and of all the problems at your mom's. You might try making a parallel list of the advantages of being where you are: food, clean water, safety from weird neighbours and landlords, people who do love you even when they drive you nuts. I'm not saying that it's paradise nor am I negating the very real issues with which you have to contend, but it might help you balance if you list the positives as well as the negatives.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

*hug* 😭 im hiding in the bathroom to cry

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I would need more courses outside university. I had started some but i went overwhelmed and also i couldn't attend because of my injury and dropped out. The supervisors won't give me a license because im not emotionally stable. I'm searching for any job about psychologists like HR, tutor, lecturer, social worker but i can't find in my city

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Job hunting is usually demoralizing until you find one. Could you tutor undergraduate students in psychology?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I have to get PhD for that unfortunately

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Maybe to do so through a university, but why not offer your services as a freelance tutor?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I could, i just can't find people to teach

[SoporRose]

If you are interested in tutoring, there are ways to find people. But I won't make suggestions you might not welcome. I think I do that too often and it's not helpful to you.