After spending the past day and a half panicking at even the thought of picking up my phone, I wish it felt freeing to take this time to share my thoughts and try to connect with someone. Instead, my anxiety transmutes itself to fixate on whatever my current objective is.
I can't look at my phone because I'm afraid to communicate with work. After taking a year off to focus on my mental health, I thought that I was ready and could handle the pressure. Instead, I found myself cooked and in the hospital for a psych eval after less than 3 weeks. Initially, my job appeared to be supportive and wanted to be accommodating. But 2 weeks have passed, and I haven't returned to work. I've been told to "keep working as normally as I am able to" until my accommodations are approved, but it's impossible to work without the things I'm requesting accommodations for. And I'm being told that nothing can be done until HR files the necessary paperwork, which they give me strict deadlines for despite my insistence that I need more time to meet with my care team if I have to have them fill it out. It's not enough for me to tell my employer what my specific needs are; they "need" every detail in writing from one of my providers. How am I, an employee with a disclosed history of trauma and PTSD, supposed to develop any kind of trust with my employer when they overtly do not trust me? It just feels like they're trying to get me to quit so that I can't sue them for firing someone who asked for help and accommodations due to a disability.
I know that my experience isn't unique. I am not the first nor will I be the last person to have an unpleasant experience while trying to simply advocate for working conditions that will not cause further harm to my mental health. Yet here I am, fighting for a job where in less than a month, I've experienced sexual harassment, witnessed fraud and neglect, and heard stories of abuse occurring in the workplace. I've come home in tears and have broken down many times. I've tossed and turned at night replaying events from the work day in my head and worrying about what the next day may bring, only to wake up the next morning feeling nauseous from the consistent stress in my body. Because just like my anxiety traps me, our economy does too. It is impossible to live without money. But it also feels impossible to make money when you are too afraid to leave the house, too tired to do any meaningful cognitive work, too spaced out to effectively communicate. It feels like the system is rigged against us. And I can't tell who trapped me first.
i feel completely trapped
Trapped
Feeling anxiety once again
I'm new here, stressed about unemployment and issues with my anxiety/depression
Anxiety is Destroying my Career 
