I'm so beyond angry

[2Scared]

Every day it seems like the anger and loneliness and the want to be a horrible selfish person just gets worse and worse. I spoke with my therapist today about screening me for BPD and we'll start doing that next week. I don't know how to handle the constant growing anger, everything makes me furious, the kids I work with the adults in my life, my "partner" (even though they have done nothing to warrant this anger). Idk what to do. I just wanna rot away in my bed, but I force myself to go to work despite all this. How do you distract yourself or make the anger go away? Does it ever go away? All I wanna do is not nice things to my body (not dying) to distract myself from all the bs going on in my head. What do i do?

[Irishisme]

have you ever watched Eckart Tolle on YouTube. You might get some relief from him

[Starrlight in reply to Irishisme]

I have Eckart Tolle book I haven’t fully read. Ha but it was good I just couldn’t concentrate.

[2Scared in reply to Irishisme]

I haven't heard of this, but i'll definitely check it out. I'm so all over the place ill try anything the requires me to focus ❤️

[cashew78]

Been very, very angry for a long time. Still am to a certain extent. I have a potential solution, but it takes time, effort, and persistence. I don't know how to meditate properly, but about 4 years ago I started forcing myself to sit down for min. of half an hour, closing my eyes, trying to empty my mind, and just focusing on keeping a steady pace of breathing. In, out. In, out. My body and mind hated it, I would fall asleep, the circus upstairs wouldn't shut up, the cat would jump on me to play, and everything was irritating as all hell. But I stuck with it. Eventually I was able to clear my mind and not fall asleep. When I became conscious of thoughts, I'd simple say later and let it drift away. It's not easy, but when I meditate now I basically shut down entirely like Im sleeping, but keep aware of everything around me. It's given me a calmness I was previously lacking. Like I said, not easy and it takes a long time. Your therapist probably has better suggestions. Good luck, nothing is easy when you're angry.

[2Scared in reply to cashew78]

I use to try meditating for panic attacks and I ran into the same problem of letting my mind wander and getting all worked up/quitting mid way. I want to get back to doing yoga. I havent in years and I really enjoyed it when i did it in highschool. thanks for your advice

[Starrlight]

BPD stands for what? Bipolar or borderline personality disorder? I have Bipolar 1 and I’ve been angry soooooo angry many times for long stretches and I think I needed to heal. I had lots of trauma, still do but healing is working. Healing through therapy and meditation and mindfulness practice and medications also talking to people here has helped me out of it. I still get angry over injustices but not just because ? like before. Work on it give it time. Write about it if you feel comfortable doing that. Get it out , an outlet. Do you paint or draw or run or garden or another outlet? I feel for you. It’s really difficult 😣

[2Scared in reply to Starrlight]

Borderline personality disorder. I was originally diagnosed with PTSD, but the more I read about BPD it just hit soooo much closer to how I think/feel/act. My therapist says I show signs, but she's going to go through everything with me in our session next week. The amount my mood shifts in a day is insane. I'll start to feel everything start to level out for like 2 minutes then one small insignificant thing happens and I have the most violent thoughts. I fluctuate between angry, sad, unbearably lonely, with fleeting moments of happiness in between that dont last longer than 5 minutes. How did you manage? I know bipolar 1 is no joke. Sending love ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to 2Scared]

Love ❤️ backatchya!

I pleaded with people around to help me. Some helped by listening. Some blew me off. One told me to trudge along until it would change. I didn’t think I would get out of my misery but I did.

[2Scared in reply to Starrlight]

Do you mind sharing how? I wanna stop hurting those around me and I wanna stop feeling like theres a burning rollercoaster in me.

[Starrlight in reply to 2Scared]

Find what works for you. Can your therapist help you see a psychiatrist to work with if you are at all interested in medications?

[2Scared in reply to Starrlight]

Yea i'll be scheduling a meeting with them too I'm suppose to be on like 4 different meds, but prozac makes me feel like someone muted all my emotions. I should ask about mood stabilizers.

[Starrlight in reply to 2Scared]

Best to you, let us know how things go?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I too pleaded for help trying to figure out what was going on . Didn’t know I was bi polar until much later, but sick and in pain was what I told them I was.

Silence

I believe many perceived me as strong and assumed I’d be alright

I wasn’t

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I hear you. I’m so sorry Craig. How are you doing these days?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Starr

I am so lucky to have stumbled across the right answers. Doing things i thought were lost to me

thank you very much for asking

thrilled you found your way out

it can and does happen

[2Scared in reply to Hidden]

What helped you? I feel like im on a rollercoaster of self sabotage and abandonment issues.

[Hidden in reply to 2Scared]

Found the right meds to take away much of the pain

Started my life over with only those who care about right and wrong, treating others with love and care, and made sure to focus on the blessing i was given. Instead of all the neglect and hurt. I needed help trying to figure this crap out. I don't need them anymore

It ain't easy but, for me, its working

[fauxartist]

I'm glad your going for screening.... I know my anger came from deep within and not knowing how to deal with the root cause of it. I needed help to sort it out safely.

[Midori]

Anger can be useful, when you have a target to direct it at, but unfocused aggression is not.

If you could isolate what you are angry about, or who you are angry with, it would allow you to start to combat it.

I have used anger in the past, but I knew what it was I was angry about.

Cheers, Midori