People pleaser.

[Nunk]

Most of my life I’ve been a people pleaser in one way or another. I’ve tried to stop but can’t, I’m constantly on the lookout for praise, approval and admiration. I’ve had various counselling sessions over the years for depression and anxiety. Through this help I’ve found the reasons I people pleasure have developed from my childhood. I don’t hurt anyone by it and most of the time I do it in a honest snd caring way. Is it a bad trait to have as an adult?

[fauxartist]

I read this article and thought it might be helpful:

People-pleasing behaviors are often exhibited by individuals who fear abandonment from others. Healing from these tendencies is possible.

Most people want to be liked and viewed positively by others. Some people want to be liked so badly that they will sacrifice their wishes and desires to prioritize fulfilling other’s desires. Excessive self-sacrifice can lead to resentment and an unhealthy dependence on other people.

How to reduce people-pleasing behaviors

Reducing people-pleasing behaviors takes time and effort. Since people-pleasing often can begin in childhood as a reaction to people who aren’t emotionally safe, you may consider working with a mental health professional to reduce people-pleasing behaviors.

Mental health professionals such as therapists can help you work to overcome people-pleasing tendencies. In addition, they can support you in forming healthy and secure attachments with others. You may also learn to work on setting boundaries with others and advocating for your needs.

Some other tips for reducing people-pleasing behaviors include:

reflect on your desires, wants, and needs rather than focus on what others want

learn to set limits with others about what you will and won’t tolerate

say “yes” to things that you want to do

decline invitations to engage in harmful behaviors

speak up when something is bothering you

find hobbies you enjoy

These tips may help you gain independence and confidence in yourself. You can learn how to express your wants and needs in a healthy way.

[Nunk in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you fauxartist, there’s some interesting points to work on. I appreciate your reply.

[Nunk]

Thank you Twinklystar1oo, that means a lot.

[sunshinefan]

I, too, am a people pleaser. I don't know if it is a good trait to have as an adult. I don't like it about myself and wish I could stand up to people and not always agree with them. I also wish I could make my needs and wishes known. I plan on working on it with my therapist. Working on it with your therapist was a good step.