getting by, 1 more day (almost)

[Gandolfication]

I'm having so much trouble regulating emotions these days.

It hurts. I've tried to work on this, learn, and practice this, but it remains difficult, and probably especially now as I've felt in a depressive spiral these past 6 weeks. I thought I was beginning to bring myself out of this. But today was worse.

I'm not facing work.

My oldest daughter keeps mouthing off, fighting, showing disrespect, arguing.

I'm just existing to suffer, it feels like. I don't feel like I'm serving anyone, clients, myself, my kids.

As I write this, I'm sitting on a virtual continuing legal education webinar on leveraging emotional intelligence to enhance wellbeing with a bunch of other lawyers, some who I know from a national lawyers depression support group. I've read, heard, and tried to practice, a lot of this stuff before, but knowledge doesn't matter. I'd like to teach things like this myself (coaching for lawyers essentially), and I've been asked to...but right now, I'm just such a disastrous wreck.

I talked to a good friend today on the phone. Although difficult, it was good.

I just want to feel better, and stop suffering. I don't know if I have what it takes or if I will choose to do what little things I know, that I should....breathing exercises, setting small/simple goals, starting with just the smallest piece, etc.

I realize, how much of these posts, center around a sentence that starts, focused on "I"....

Happiness focuses more on loving kindness and others, and I long to be more connected.

Today is almost over. Last night, I finished an exceptionally good book (The Boys in the Boat), and got a new audio book today on Clarence Darrow: Lawyer for the Damned. I did a few minutes of yoga this morning. Maybe I'll be able to mediate tonight or something, other than just zoning out into total distraction, media, etc.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,You should never worry about using I in a sentence. This puts you front and centre of everything. It tells us exactly how you are doing or feeling.

Another positive I saw, is that you are able keep up your self care.

Sometimes depression just makes everything harder than it used to be. We fall back into a safe place by zoning out. That's OK too if that's what you need at the time

So, I have given you three ticks for your insights which strike a chord with me.

Maybe you have enough knowledge to write a book about your experiences when as a working lawyer depression strikes?

Keep up the good work 👍 🐈‍⬛