Carrying a lot - possible trigger warning.

[melbrown]

Hi. It's been a bit... I've started the second part- the more difficult part of my PTSD treatment (it's the same program the VA uses) I'm trying the prolonged exposure module- you pick the traumatic moments & discuss them. The secessions are 90 minutes long & it's a 10 week program. We are focusing on the time my parents divorced & the abuse by my father. Yesterday was a lot, first deep discussion of that time. I'm feeling a mix of anger, sadness, loss & a dash of disgust. Having flashbacks, nightmares & my body is stressed... told this is to be expected. My sister is visiting- suppose to see her & my mom this weekend... first time seeing either since starting this... scared I'm going to be triggered . My husband will be there, is going to keep an eye on me.To top this all off, we've lost 2 family members... my uncle (mom's brother) nearly 3 weeks ago & my husband's aunt yesterday. I wasn't close to my uncle, but still sad & it's stirring up some stuff. The lost of my husband's aunt is still too fresh- close to his family. She had ALS, lost her voice sometime back... knew this was coming, still difficult.

I know this is a lot... thanks.

[kenster1]

Hi Mel so sorry to hear of your recent losses god bless them you and the family. nothing worse than getting support from our past issues when just as tough ones crop up but I hope the support helps you through difficult times.

[melbrown in reply to kenster1]

Thank you Kenster1. Wednesday was difficult... had a deep therapy session (they tell you during this process that the 2 hours after be prepared to be really feeling it all) & my husband caleed about 90 minutes after with the news of his aunt (we both were at work). He went to go spend time with his uncle- he lives close to us. Really needed him, but understood his uncle needed him too.I'm trying to learn/remember it's okay to ask for support. Thanks for being here.💛

[Ellamaye]

Well done for getting the the ptsd treatment and doing what needs to be done . That sounds very intense. your family members are coming and even though you know it will trigger you more your not even considering giving up . What I read in your post is that you are a strong person. So yes share your thoughts and worries with us x you will get to the other side 🙏

[melbrown in reply to Ellamaye]

Thanks for your kind reply Ellamaye. I wish I could see that I'm strong... right now it's all overwhelming. Trying not to isolate or shut down, cause want to get through this. Support here is definitely helpful.💛

[Dolphin14]

Mel

I'm so sorry to read about your recent losses. One is hard enough. When they come back to back it's a whirlwind.

You are doing a great job Mel. You continue to fight for your recovery. None of it is easy but you are a fighter for sure.

Put some plans in place when your company is here. Your husband will be beside you and that's wonderful. Have some sort of signals or something so that if you are getting overloaded he can step in and re direct things.

Take frequent breaks from the group, be sure you have some down time alone each day, and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

With the recent deaths in your family you are not going to be expected to " preform" at the same level. You are all emotional right now. If you get triggered my thought is your mom and sister will assume your reactions are due to the grieving process.

Thinking of you. Please let us know how it goes

❤️🐬

[melbrown in reply to Dolphin14]

🫂Thanks Dolphin14. I'm still processing it all... it's so hard to talk about that time... feels like there's these huge gaps in my memory, but my body remembers all that pain. My therapist says that's part of the PTSD ... just ugh. Trying to figure out dinner tonight with my sister... haven't had much time to talk with my husband & make a plan. Will have to on our way to pick her up. I know it's going to be tough ... having dinner in the town I grew up in (mom still lives there, sister is staying with her). I'm going to try to meditate before & after meeting with her tonight. 💛

[Dolphin14 in reply to melbrown]

Thinking of you Mel.

❤️❤️