33 and I’m still lost

[Cotton_candy91]

Tell your story !! It’s really hard for me to answer this question! What story or which one ! To which version of me ! I’m trying and trying and I’m failing and I’m always trying not to give up on my life , I don’t have real friends I’m always a second best friend or a third sometimes ! Not the favorite to the family after I ashamed myself as (what they think ) , I’m getting jobs and getting fired and quitting sometimes , most of the month I don’t have money to eat ! My salary goes to rent and bills till now !! I’m struggling with my money and my budget and how to manage it ! I need help with my mental traumas but I can’t afford it , everyone thinks that I’m gorgeous and beautiful and nice and smart and perfect ! But no one actually cares ! No one gives a fuck about me ! With all of that I’m still going to work and steal food from work or eat as much as I can so I don’t get hungry later that day ! Is this a life ? Men are attracted to me just sexually my beauty to them is short term always ! Or a second base always ! So I’m completely broke and what’s funny is that I look rich ! Everyone thinks that I’m rich from the way I dress and behave and walk and talk , again broke alone lonely depressed suicidal. When I’m smoking I can be myself or at least in peace with myself, I tend to be fake to people at least what half of women say or show it to me to my face ! But anyways it’s been couple of months when I look to myself into the mirror I’m ok ! And I can recognize myself! But in photos or selfies even when it’s me who’s taking the photos ! Still I look like a different person , I feel like it’s another person because I don’t look like this in real life , with everything going on in my head and my soul im sure it’s causing me this confusion and I don’t know how to deal with it .. I need help but I can’t ask for it .

[Craigliving4Jane]

let me be the first to say that we are so glad that you found us. I know from the eight months that I’ve been on here that there are many souls that can relate to what you are going through and where you are in life. That’s got to help some right?

You do realize by coming on here and writing what you did about your life, that you did ask for help right ?

Because that’s what you are going to get here

No one professors to have all the answers, but try we shall

Can you tell us a little more about what’s going on with you mental health wise. Diagnosis , medication , acceptance pathes you’ve looked into, therapies. etc.

To me for so many we have to get that in line for walk before we can look at some of the other environmental issues we have going on

Be prepared to be loved and cared about.

We do give a fuck!

Much love.

Craig

[Cotton_candy91 in reply to Craigliving4Jane]

Dear Craig , thank you so much for every word you have written to me I appreciate the time you took to read and try to understand me , tbh I have been through a lot of things that can cause a trauma or sort of stress anxiety and being anxious most of the time! I have escaped from my family and friends my old life to another country few years ago and before that I was in some troubles with everyone since I’m the rebel person to them , so basically left everything and I started from scratch! Keep in mind learning a new language alone in another country is really effective! Especially when it comes to your documents about where to live to study etc . And all is that is something different to deal with I mean the stress that comes out of it . And of course being lonely needed someone ! Met a friend or an X friend who tend to be unstable and drag u to partying and doing some stuff that u regret in the next morning , of course I wants feeling like that at that moment , but I was feeling that low ! And another thing is getting in a toxic relationship and it drains everything in you . I’m always an optimistic person! Really interested in energy and healing journeys and I’ve been learning from the Internet since I can’t afford therapy now . And I am not medicated, I smoke almost every day this is the only thing can calm me , although I’m trying to quit it but I can’t because it really helps a lot .

[Craigliving4Jane in reply to Cotton_candy91]

You are very welcome DP

Keep up the good fight. !

[1Luvcatbird]

I want to start by saying no one is perfect. Everyone struggles in different ways. That lost feeling is very normal. As humans, we expect to already have everything in life at a certain age but thats not how life works. Many of my peers are already out of school, have a career, are married, and have a family. I have none of that but I am still working to some day get there. I need to know my limits at this moment in time and work to reach those goals. I would say prioritize what you want to change and figure ways you are able to make those changes. Are there any resources in your community that can help you with getting health insurance or to help financially? Do you have a primary doctor to express your mental health? Many times they have resources that can help you out. Are there some spending that you can cut back on to help support you currently? i also think you should think about why are you quitting jobs? Is it the work environment that you don't like, the type of work you do or do they not work for your schedule or lifestyle? You may have to prioritize and compromise certain things to better other aspect of your life.

[Cotton_candy91 in reply to 1Luvcatbird]

Thank you dear for replying, I honestly don’t know why I was fired twice and twice I was quitting by myself, the good news is since I moved to another country my jobs are getting better , I have studied and worked in my profession, since I moved I was working in a small places like restaurants hotels , waitressing , the job I’m working now is much better comparing to the old ones , and I’m working extra hours even at the weekends just to get on my feet again .