5:30am and I’m still awake... - Anxiety and Depre...

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5:30am and I’m still awake...

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Eyes are burning...

I feel soooo sleepy

But thoughts are keeping me awake....

Things I wish I did, said, didn’t do, didn’t say....

Embarrassing things I did from bloody 20 years ago!!! I mean it still makes me go red of embarrassment! How!?

The whole country is probably in peace sleeping nearly about to wake up even! Apart from me .

That’s how this feels... lonely 😔

I wish I could be a normal human who sleeps At 10-11pm everyday without fail.

Why am I writing this? Just to get it out of my bloody head! Oh dear 😢

61 Replies

So other insomniacs like me can read it! Now, I just go to bed late sometimes by choice. S, can be an insomniac too. But, I'm working in it. Like I said, I'm gonna be awake for a little while. As for embarassing recall from the past, I have them all the time. I just stopped letting them bother me. If you need to talk, let's talk....

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Hidden in reply to JEG325

Lol well glad I gave you some reading material!

What does ‘S’’ mean?

Oh gosh those embarrassing moments from centuries ago why do they haunt us so!

Thanks for responding !

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Hidden

S, is my friend Sue. I can explain on the pm anytime you want to know.

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Hidden in reply to JEG325

Ohhhh 😊

No it’s okay lol you don’t have to explain about your friends to me hehe. I just thought ‘s’ stands for some sort of sleep disorder or something 😬 oops !

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Hidden

Hope, you're my friend and I have no problem talking to you. Okay? In fact, I like talking to you. So, your friend JEG325 would look forward to an occ. pm from you. Alright?

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Hidden in reply to JEG325

I would love to ‘talk’ to you. How do you let embarrassing things go. They keep me awake all the time...so much so that I need meds to sleep,

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Hidden in reply to JEG325

How do you let them stop bothering you?

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Hidden

I start by focusing on everything postitive in my life. Yeah, there are some embarassing things that cause me consternation when they pop back up in my life. There are sad and horrible things too. But, there are many positive things. They should always be more important than the negatives. Your priority should always be to go forward in life. Allowing negative feelings, emotions and events to sidetrack you derail everything you are trying to accompolish. So, make a list....What's positive and what's negative. Look the list over carefully. Focus on the positive items and how you can use them to get on with your life. Look at the negatives and use them as a map of what not to do from now on. Otherwise file them away in the back of your mind and keep putting one foot in front of the other on your way to success. Okay?

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Hidden in reply to JEG325

Sounds great...last year I inadvertently posted my struggles with anxiety and depression on my own Facebook page instead of a specific group page that I thought I was on. I was humiliated and embarrassed and told people that I was hacked versus admitting the truth as it was a mighty morbid post. I cannot get this embarrassing episode out of my head and think about it every day. My therapist thinks that I should be on medication to quiet my thoughts as I don’t sleep hardly at all. Do you take medication? If so, what do you take? Other than this, my life is picture perfect...wonderful husband, kids, home, etc.

Only 8 people read the post but I was beyond embarrassed...

You sound very level headed so any thoughts you may have are appreciated. Thanks!

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Hidden

I do not use medication. I use supplements, diet and excercise to treat my problems. Look, some people suggest journaling your thoughts and emotions. I'm not fond of that although I write poems and stories to alleviate my stress all the time. Love recently entered into my life and my girl stands so strongly behind me that she makes me feel I can defeat anything. In fact, just having her in my life boosted my health an extra 25%! If you have an otherwise perfect life, fill your thoughts with it. Love your husband and kids and immerse yourself in their love for you. This is a protective wall that will block out many problems. Have you tried telling your hubby about this problem? But, do not start taking drugs just because racing and embarassing thoughts are filling your head. Empty your mind and refill it with love. Take up writing and write poems, short stories & essays. Talk to your hubby and friends and you will find that you can drown out these annoying thoughts. As far as sleeping? Try melatonin. It's a non drug supplement that can be gotten at most grocery/department stores. Take one dissolvable 3 mg about an hour before bed. Place it under your tongue and let it dissolve slowly. Don't eat bad foods or drink caffeine within 4 to 6 hours of bedtime. If you are hungry 1/2 a peanut butter & jelly sandwich or a medium banana will help you sleep. I know lots of non drug treatments for almost all mental/physical conditions. Try my suggestions before drugs. Okay?

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Hidden in reply to JEG325

You sound awesome. I am actually afraid of drugs..but the ocd gets the better of me sometimes. Glad you found love...you deserve it!

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What other supplements do you take?

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Hidden

Thx. You sound like a decent, sweet person. I belong to a writing group that meets M-W-F at 7pm est, member's schedule permitting. The chat line is open 24/7. As long as someone's on it, you can talk at anytime. It's easy to use and we would welcome you with open arm. Just a thought. Have a blessed day, my friend.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to JEG325

I take potassium and vit D by prescription. I also take magnesium citrate, b-complex 50 +zinc.my doc approves all of them + my special prostate formula that I take. That stuff + sleep, diet and light to moderate excercise keep my symptoms 50 to 60% under control. My girl's fierce love tacks on about 20 more percent making me symptom free about 80% of the time.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

❤️

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Starrlight

💖💖💖💖back to you, my sweet friend.....

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Love to all during all moments of your day wether it seems good or bad let’s just be there with it with our hearts and minds open.

I never sleep and is 1:06am and everyone is sleeping and am the only one that’s up

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Hidden in reply to tamka38

Oh gosh well at I know who to message next time x

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to Hidden

Right 😅😂

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Hidden in reply to tamka38

Haha ! What time is it there where you live x

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to Hidden

9:18am

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Hidden in reply to tamka38

14:20 here and I’m still a zombie 🧟‍♀️

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to Hidden

Oh no

I have the same thing where I'm only able to sleep a couple of hours before waking up when everyone else is asleep. It's the worst because it feels very lonely, even if you're not living by yourself. But I try and read on those nights and wait either to feel sleepy again or for the morning to arrive.

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Hidden in reply to Prublu

The worse thing is I can’t wake up in mornings then .

😢 I hate it . I’ve been struggling for months now

This happens to me too. Idk why I keep imagining things which could happen a long back. It mostly happens during night, but now a days day too. Idk why these things start coming up.

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Hidden in reply to Redfox9

It’s the worst isn’t it !

I don’t understand it either . I suppose these things are engraved!!!

Redfox9 profile image
Redfox9 in reply to Hidden

Yes, ik, imagining unnecessary things. Idk why it happens.

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So I finally fell asleep at around 7am!!!!!!???!?!?!? And then woke up at 11am and that was such a struggle

I have a banging throbbing headache and feel weak and cold ! 😭 really cranky and irritable too x

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

I finally got sleep last night, hadn't had any since Saturday...well needed for me. I sure hope you start to feeling better quickly. All the best for you! Love, light, peace, joy & hugs for you!

I missed this one I 😬must’ve been asleep

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Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234

Lmao I think even owls 🦉 left me by this point

You have to be disciplined put the internet down and get in your comfy bed and put your head back on the the pillow and imagine your on a magic carpet ,and fly into the clouds ⛅️ and see where you end up ,you need rest you can’t fight the worlds evil if you don’t rest x

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Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234

Yeah I need to get off the internet and phone that’s my biggest problem I think!

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I am right there with you, my embarrassment from last year has kept me up since then, so much so that I now must take sleep medicine, it is brutal,

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Oh gosh I’m sorry 😔 it’s awful

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

It is awful. Considering an anti depressant that works for OCD.

I have you beat Hope, I ruminate over things I wish I had done different 40 years ago. Embarrassing things, regretful things. I'm not trying to be funny. Your post describes exactly what I go through on a daily basis. They say life flashes before you when you die but my life flashes before me on a daily basis and it's always the negative things. Its very hard to cope with.

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Hidden in reply to Fallout

Oh wow you did beat me there! It’s just an awful illness and hopefully one day we can be in peace and let go of our embarrassments which I’d bet nobody else remembers but us x

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Hidden in reply to Fallout

Anyone take meds to stop the chatter? I have become so anxious over a particular incident that I have fallen into a depression and am anxious on a daily basis.

Fallout profile image
Fallout in reply to Hidden

The only one I've ever taken is Paxil. I haven't tried anything else although my therapist suggested Clopramine but I never followed through with taking it.

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

No I am currently not on any medication for mental health x

Mellowme73 profile image
Mellowme73 in reply to Hidden

Mirtazapine aka Remeron can take away "chatter" but is a "black box" kind of Rx...

I'm sorry hope. I don't have insomnia (thank god) but I have empathy. That would be really annoying. Are you always tired?

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Hidden in reply to aaronm

Thanks Aaron x I’m so so glad you don’t have it

Yeah I’m always sleepy. And cranky ☹️

many of us have the incessant ruminating thoughts about things we regret, felt shame, blame, remorse, embarrassment...etc.....things we wish we did differently, said differently....all waisted energy...but we do it anyway because it's how we are wired. I call it my hamster wheel...and of course it seems the worst when it's the wee hours of the morning/night.... I have to do 'white noise'....I may not even be watching a show, but will turn the volume down and my head registers that instead of the over thinking that just drives me nuts sometimes.

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Hidden in reply to fauxartist

Is there medicine to stop the hamster wheel? I am so afraid that the ruminating will drive me nuts. I have one incident in particular that I think about day in and day out....stuff that I am sure is long forgotten by others but embarrassing and humiliating to me. My therapist tells me ‘this too shall pass’ .... I just don’t know when. It’s horrible...

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist in reply to Hidden

easier said than done....as I said....personally I have to have white noise...even when I am painting....it keeps my brain from over thinking. I have peace some days, but not for long as outside influence encroaches on our space and we are sometimes sensitive to invasion....I do take SSRI's to qwell the emotional roller coaster a bit, but other than that it's really trial and error to find what helps you tune out......music, audio books help me too....

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Hidden in reply to fauxartist

What do you take if you don’t mind my asking?

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist in reply to Hidden

Lexipro 10mgs...... but I had okay results with a few others..... I just stick with this one.

Fallout profile image
Fallout in reply to fauxartist

Very well stated. Describes exactly my life everyday. Rumination.

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Hidden in reply to fauxartist

Hey Faux . Yes I also can’t be in silence as it makes it worse. I listen to audiobooks or have videos on in the background x or I listen to podcasts x

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Hi Hope: do you take any meds that help with ruminating thoughts?

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

No I dont sorry

Seeing this post a couple days after the fact but I can relate to the impossibly late hours. I have trouble falling asleep because my mind won’t shut off. Embarrassing memories aren’t what haunt me it’s random traumatic things that flash in my head at any time. I hate it. It’s like I experience these things all over again and again. It’s not just a couple things but many things. I’m (assuming) what many have called me is ‘oversensitive’ so it’s like I feel things times a thousand+.

Then when I do fall asleep typically around 3 am hive or take an hour I have nightmares and I kick in my sleep and cry out. My boyfriend says it freaks him out that sometimes he swears I stop breathing in the night.

I feel like I’m a just a hot mess. 😞

Anyway you can count me in as someone to message in the wee hours- I’ll be up. 👍

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Hidden in reply to Ripley7

Oh no ☹️ I’m so sorry . Im glad i put this up so many have come forward with similar issues x we can all talk to each other instead of suffering at nights x

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Hidden in reply to Ripley7

Do you take meds? I am finding this so impossible to live with on a daily basis...I don’t sleep,and have basically lost interest in life,.,,

EVERYBODY Always & WILL ALWAYS Have "Woulda" Coulda" Shouldas". It's A Normal Part Of Life My Friend...

Prayers For Ya ~*

[ heck, i quit counting all of mine...]

You may need a quality CBD with melatonin...and exercise. Sleep, as you remember, is so precious.

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