I’m scared and don’t understand…

[MoxieRonay]

Hello,

oh gosh where to begin. Recently work stressed me out so bad that the right side of my head went numb for a few days and my emotions felt numbed. But along with that, it sparked these random thoughts of “committing.” Now I’ve no reason to do such a thing. I’m quite happy to be here. I want to be here. I just got my dream car, I have a full time job, I get to have some spending money, I’m a new aunt, I have a loving family. Everything. But the (idea I suppose?) keeps popping back up. I’ve never once thought doing this act. I knew that life gets scary sometimes. So it terrifies me that it’s fluttering around in my brain like it’s welcomed.

Today my brain suddenly “dissolved” that emotion block. I felt it drain from my head. And was quite fine all day… til I got home. The thought came back and gave me anxiety again. Am I a risk? I don’t think I am, and would very much like for this to stop. I don’t want the anxiety to upset my stomach anymore heh. The idea of possibly “spiraling” also scares the day lights out of me. I’ve started talking to a therapist but I feel there isn’t much progress, though it’s only been maybe 4 days.

Is this normal? To suddenly feel like this? Am I just scaring myself? Or am I losing a grip on myself? This doesn’t make me feel good…

[Agora1]

Hi MoxieRonay, It sounds like you have many positives in your life all around you.

Unfortunately, with the stress of your work, anxiety may have recruited you as it's

next victim and put the thought of fear within you.

Because we are not doctors and can only relay our own experiences, it is always

wise to see your doctor regarding these physical symptoms. Knowing the cause

of this strange sensation of a numb face could eradicate the fear of the unknown

within you.

Life is Amazing MoxieRonay. It sounds like you have it all right now. Embrace the

moment and be grateful. Welcome to a caring community of friends. xx

[MoxieRonay in reply to Agora1]

You’re absolutely right, I feel bad for just emptying the whole bag like that. I do plan on seeing a doctor soon, and was just wondering if this type of situation or at least feeling was normal. I very very much appreciate your warm welcome ♥️

[tommy2toes in reply to MoxieRonay]

Hi There:

I was diagnosed with depression about six months ago. My present job (and my career more generally) has been a very stressful one over the years. What is more, until I actually broke down in harness, I had literally never taken a holiday. We are talking about being on deck for basically decades. Obviously, in hindsight, I now realise that such a set of circumstances was unsustainable. To wit, you mentioned experiencing a sense of your emotions being numbed, I had that experience as well. To put it in a slightly different way, my understanding is that my brain just became overextended in trying to handle numerous different issues (all at once, by myself, etc.), and in order to protect itself, it simply shutdown.

Having said that, as mentioned above, you should go off and see a doctor when you can. What is more, in the meantime, try and take your foot off the gas pedal of daily life, and instead of running yourself ragged, take time to smell the flowers (to look after and love yourself).

Best of luck

t2t (tommy2toes)

[MoxieRonay in reply to tommy2toes]

Thank you for this, I woke up for work, read it and it gave me a genuine good cry. But that’s like exactly what happened. I already work hard and then work decided to reward that with more work and my brain just shut down. I’ve absolutely slowed down and tried to reconnect with myself.

Again, thank you so very much for this.

[hypercat54]

This is called suicide ideation and is quite common in those with mental health issues. Its just that and means very little unless you intend to go through with it. You don't so try and relax.

Also 4 days of therapy is far too short to see any changes. Wait and see how you feel after say 4 months or so.

[MoxieRonay in reply to hypercat54]

I’m glad I have an idea of what it is floating around in my brain. I really am trying to relax and pull myself back together, and I’m trying to teach myself that it doesn’t get better over night. I have to work on it. I’ve absolutely stuck with my therapist and she’s given me some grounding techniques and coping skills. I think today was the first day that I woke up and decided I’m not letting this feeling control my mind anymore or scare me.

[hypercat54 in reply to MoxieRonay]

Good for you and that is the way forward. I have kept this option as a sort of comfort blanket for many years, but would never do it. Its a defence mechanism that's all.