When people don’t get it.

[Sharing2024]

Do any of you deal with people who don’t understand your depression? Like they think you should just snap out of it? I am trying to take better care of my mental health but apparently that bothers some people. I shouldn’t care but it gets on my nerves.

[blackcat64013]

I have been there too (with my siblings). The issue seems to be that not having experienced a mental illness themselves puts them at a disadvantage when talking to me.

I told my therapist that we couldn't hold conversations without someone criticising, yelling or making a judgement and upsetting ourselves.

I wasn't happy with the therapist telling me the answer is to make my communication personal. She said its all about me and making it clear to them by making statements beginning with "I". For example my statement could be "I would like it if we could talk this through" or "When I hear things like .... I feel hurt".

While I was practicing these statements with the therapist, I often felt stupid to be honest.

Actually, using the statements correctly meant I was helped to share my feelings or view of things without an opinion or judgement of the other person.

My siblings and I are now much better at talking things through and understanding where I am coming from. It is still a work in progress.

[Sharing2024 in reply to blackcat64013]

Thanks for responding. I’m glad things are better with your siblings. I may have to try some of those I statements myself.

[Cookie2217]

Yes. I've been told many times especially by siblings to "get over it, move on." It's very frustrating to me because they feel that my past trauma is in the past and I should leave it there. It annoys me a lot. I write a journal and put my feelings down in there instead and it's been very helpful. This group is very supportive too and filled with people who know exactly how we really feel. That's a big comfort for me. Stay here with like minded people you'll find support here.

[Sharing2024 in reply to Cookie2217]

Thanks. I used to journal all the time. I haven’t done it in forever. Trying to get back to it.

[DimSparkle]

I hate this for you- and us. Why we we choose to feel like this if we didn’t have to?

I’ve tried to honor myself and my feelings by distancing from folks who choose not to understand- because it is a choice. I’m choosing me!

[Sharing2024 in reply to DimSparkle]

I need to choose me too! Thanks for responding.

[Hidden]

Yep, been dealing with it all my life. Most people just don't get it. Even my own husband doesn't get it and he's been with me over 30 years. I've had friends tell me to just "put on your big girl panties and deal with it." I've been told to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I hate that one! If it was only that easy. We need to seek out depression support groups and be around other people who understand. It's hard to find those groups but they do exist. I hope you start to feel better soon.

[Sharing2024 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. It is so hard for people to understand. It’s helpful to come here and read/post because it makes me feel like I’m not alone regarding my depression.

[Midori]

Hi Sharing,

It's nobody's business but yours, and folk should never tell someone to Snap out of it. If we could, we would. Try to cut ties with anyone like that, but if it's family, it can be difficult, I know. Been there, done it.

Do your best to keep away from folk like that.

Cheers, Midori

[Sharing2024 in reply to Midori]

It is tough-but I’m learning to distance myself more from those ‘snap out of it’ people.