in a pit I can’t get out of.

[Springvale23]

I am no stranger to this depression and anxiety. But need support.

I have spiralled downwards. Have stopped leaving the house, not getting washed and no decent sleep as I lie about all day. I invited friends for coffee tomorrow , but had to cancel. Hadn’t strength to tidy up and clean house or myself. Thought about meeting them for coffee but as I don’t sleep through the night I can’t guarantee I will be able to. And the stress of thinking about it makes m3 worse. My friends are maybe offended as when I got in touch via text they didn’t respond. I understand if that is the case. No one can depend on me.

How do I break the cycle? Medication doesn’t work, nor did counselling. I need practical help, but have no one I can turn to. What can I do?

[NrvsBrkdn79]

Hello there. Sorry you're feeling this way. If you have tried medication and therapy, those are great steps. Even reaching out here means you are somewhat self-aware and want to change. The key is to take action for yourself. I had a moment of self-hatred today and my positive spin was to tell myself that it's ok to hate myself right now because it means I want to change. It sounds to me like you want to change, but therapy and medication won't help unless you act. You have to want to show up for yourself before you can show up for others. So, force yourself to shower. It will make you feel better. Scientifically. If you don't feel up to cleaning your surroundings first, then showing up for your friend outside is another good step. Maybe they'll have a good tip about tidying up. Then maybe force yourself to clean a small area and then another. If your default is to not want to do things, you'll stay comfortable in not doing them... until you're no longer comfortable! Hope this helps! Good luck

[Springvale23 in reply to NrvsBrkdn79]

Thanks for your response. Good advice. So tired today I will consider all again

[gajh]

You are not alone. I know how hard it is. Connecting with people who understand is extremely helpful.

[Springvale23 in reply to gajh]

Thanks

[Teaching]

Maybe you can try yoga and meditation. Exercises helps me a lot.

[Springvale23 in reply to Teaching]

Too tired at minute. But will check out. Thanks

[Teaching in reply to Springvale23]

Anxiety and depression can drain someone's energy. I had to push myself to start doing things. I pray you get better 🙏

[Springvale23 in reply to Teaching]

Thanks for taking time to respond.

[Teaching in reply to Springvale23]

You are welcome. I was in a very bad state myself. I couldn't work or do anything for myself for more than 4 years until I made the decision to move . The more you stay, the more it cripples you. You need a lot of love to move. Try and find what makes you happy. It's very hard but you can do it.

[Springvale23 in reply to Teaching]

Thank you

[rksn]

Hi there! I'm right there with you with exactly the same problem. Just go through my very recent posts and see what exactly is happening in my case right now. But remember that every individual's journey through the illness can be vastly different

You can send me a PM if you think i can help in anyway. ❤🙏

[Springvale23 in reply to rksn]

Have glanced at your posts and will read later. Claire Weekes is a name that has been around a long time. Will look her up.

Am too tired today to think clearly. Took tablets to help me sleep, but no sleep til around 8am this morning. So am fighting desire to sleep again. Will be in touch.

[rksn in reply to Springvale23]

Good luck. Just ask your doctor for some other medicine to help u sleep better.

[Barbloki]

Hi Springvale23, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I am also dealing with a bad time of anxiety right now. I think it's because I've been stuck in the house since last Friday with Covid. I am so lonely and there's no one to talk to. Every book I've read about anxiety says the same thing: we need people, place, and purpose. We cannot be isolated and recover. I am going totally stir crazy here. I hope you can find a way to meet your friends for coffee. It really will help to see other people. Good luck.

[Springvale23 in reply to Barbloki]

Sorry you feel so alone. I suppose I am the opposite. I don’t want company. I just like being alone. I have retreated into this state partly due to being in a controlled relationship for 25 years. I like being free and not having to answer to anyone. I used to have to consider every thing I said and done for fear of upsetting my ex. So my choice of tv, food, staying in or going out, bedtime and time to rise all critisised or forbidden. I learned to live like this. 5+ years on my own and still feel the relief every day. And yet at times I still miss being in a relationship. Crazy mixed up feelings.

[Mum_of_2-]

I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time at the moment. I imagine it might feel like groundhog Day 😢 Some great advice given here already. Having been in the same space myself at times, when all I want is to do nothing. there are 2 tasks I make myself do every single day.

1. Shower - even if it means just sitting under the water for 5 mins. Slowly it will get easier.

2. Go for a short walk hopefully with the sun hitting your skin! Start with 5 mins & slowly build up longer each day.

Once you can do those 2 things daily without much thought? You're ready to take on another small task & so on 🥰

Best of luck.....you've got this! 😘

[Springvale23 in reply to Mum_of_2-]

Thanks. I know what you are saying is true. Struggling to get out front door at minute. My ex used to say fill the barn when the sun shines. I know on my good days I will have to make the most of them and prepare for the storms that come.

Have to go to chemist as prescription to be collected. So that’s a start.

[ladybyrd]

Springvale23, most of us here have been where your at. Right now, it sounds like you need some self-care. I have been through meds and counseling plus some and still have bouts with depression. When I'm in a depressive episode I have to take care of myself first. Sometimes, we want to fight it, thinking somehow that helps, but it usually makes the symptoms worse. Excepting were your at is the first step. If you don't do anything else today I encourage you to shower and get dressed. There is no right or wrong in the taking care of yourself, but you have to if you want to start to feel better. One other thing I may suggest, is to listen to instrumental music without the lyrics. There's something calming to the emotions when you do. If your friends are real friends they will understand, if not, maybe it's time to find new friends.

[Springvale23 in reply to ladybyrd]

Thanks. I know everything you say is true. I will try

[Cardinals1]

NrvsBrkdn79 is right. You might need to start with small steps as suggested and work your way up. Also, maybe you can begin meeting just one friend that you can talk to about your problems you have been having. I suffer from anxiety and am trying exposure therapy. It is very difficult and I struggle daily. I pray alot. Good luck and God Bless.

[Springvale23 in reply to Cardinals1]

Thanks for your kind words.

[Springvale23]

I am afraid to say that I can’t pray . I am full of unbelief. I just go over the same doubts in my mind and get no where. This unbelief has haunted me for 35 years. There is an OCD called scrupulosity . That’s me. Always looking for certainty and ruminate about having no faith.

[Perriex in reply to Springvale23]

Hello Springvale,

I would gently suggest to try & let go of any expectations or pressures you have for yourself... especially in regards to spirituality. Your spirituality is yours: unique and personal to you. It doesn't have to look or sound like anyone else's.

I call myself an "unconventional Christian" because I believe in God, angels & prayer, but I'm iffy on the Bible & the story of Jesus. I'm just not sure -- despite wanting to be.

I read tarot cards and use crystals daily. I talk about "Mother Moon" and the Universe as a benevolent force that "has my back."

Some of my friends at my church (where I am very active) would struggle to understand my views.

But they are mine to have and believe (or not believe).

In my opinion it is okay to struggle and be uncertain.

Please go easy on yourself/give yourself grace.

My severe depression & anxiety have lightened since I've learned to do so for myself.

You made a great choice coming here.

There is much support to be found.

✨️💜✨️

~P

[Springvale23 in reply to Perriex]

Thanks for your response. When Peter asked Jesus about something, Jesus replied “ what is that to you, follow me”. I try not to judge what others believe or not believe and think of this saying of Jesus.

So whilst your road to faith is different than mine that’s fine.

But I do appreciate your comments. We are all different.

I do think it’s my mental health that causes the confusion in my mind.

Thanks again

[Springvale23]

Thanks. I do pray and then I doubt that God hears me and at times even doubt that I believe. It’s like the man in the bible who said to Jesus, I believe, help me with my unbelief. The continuous doubting is draining.

I have lots of head knowledge but can’t seem to connect in my heart.

[Springvale23]

Thanks. Will do.