I hate being alive

[Loosewasps]

As the title says, I hate being alive right now. Everything is a struggle for me, my job is very stressful and I feel like I’m messing it up all the time.

My personal life is falling apart, I can’t keep friends or partners for very long.

Also everything is so expensive, I can’t afford to live alone but I don’t think anyone would want me around, everyone I know has their own house, living partner and a job they like. But it’s not for me I guess.

I’ve made peace that I’ll probably become homeless at some point in my life.

[NrvsBrkdn79]

I'm very sorry to hear that you feel this way right now. I understand the feeling very well. The important thing is that you recognize that this is how you feel "right now" and that you will likely not feel this way forever. I can't remember a time when life didn't feel like a struggle, but I know that there were absolutely times when it was not. Jobs are stressful, relationships take work, and everything has become more expensive. I'm starting to see that it is the same for everyone, yet other people can make it look easy to be happy despite it all. Perhaps try finding a therapist that can help you approach things more positively. We can't change every circumstance, but we can change our attitude to them. I wish you well and hope this feeling passes!

[Loosewasps in reply to NrvsBrkdn79]

thank you for the lovely words, unfortunately the waiting list for therapy is quite long and going private isn’t a option.

[NrvsBrkdn79 in reply to Loosewasps]

I understand that getting a therapist can be it's own stressor. I was resistant to the idea initially then, when I wanted to seek help, it proved difficult. In the meantime, it seems that you're struggling with negative thought patterns. If you have internet access, maybe look into articles or videos on positive thinking. I can't call any to mind right now, but I have found guided meditations and even mental health videos on retraining our negative brains and impulses to be very helpful. I've only been on this forum a couple of days, but even these threads have been helpful. I truly hope things turn around for you.

[LoveforAll41]

Loosewasps, I am so sorry. That feeling of hating life is just filled with so much despair. Are you going to therapy and taking some meds to try to help with this depression?

I have a lot of problems with getting my self-worth tied up in finances and work. I feel so bad I can't afford a home for our family vs renting.

You write that you feel that you are screwing your job up all the time. Would your coworkers agree with that? Would your bosses? Your employed so you must be doing something right.

Are there places you could look for bedrooms for rent that are people looking for a roommate? I think that is one way to make friends, or at least acquiantances.

So what if you are homeless? That would just mean you don't have anything holding you down. It is not the end of the world.

Again, I am so sorry that you are struggling. I think this hatred for life can show you that there is something that you would like to change in your life. I don't think it even necessarily has to be something like finding a new job or a lover. I think it can just be changing how you think about things, and that could change the way you feel. I love to recommend "Feeling Great" by David Burns and there is also the Feeling Good podcast.

I wish you peace, hope, and strength on your journey.☮️