So I have a pretty traumatic past with my mother.
Abused emotionally and physically.
I was manipulated/called names/ controlled/and compared.
We haven’t had a relationship for 6 years now. We never did to begin with but now we just barely even talk and never see each other.
I gave her one to many chances seeing if things would change.
Some people never do.
Howdy ShinaJazelle, I am sorry that relationship has never been there for you. Of course it is okay to feel sad about it and mourn that it never happened, even if you realize you are better off without it. ☮️
Thank you for sharing your story. As a daughter of an alcoholic mother, I understand that it can take many times before you take care of yourself without feeling guilty or selfish.
And no shame in that 💪. I used to feel like I was missing something but then having my own child made me realise the truth. That's not a mother. A mother puts their children first.
That's it isn't it when you are a parent the kids come first!
Unfortunately, you are right. Some people will never change. Just throwing some ideas out in case you might be interested. Maybe, ask her to see a therapist on her own or try to have her go to some sessions with you. That could help.
The title of your post was I'm better off so you already know your OK without this poor excuse of a mother. Your not alone I have no mother either that woman may have given birth to me but nothing more of value. I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for me but I'm more sorry for the mothers that have missed out on having us as children. Their loss 😁
Yes that's right isn't it its their loss at the end of it all!
I'm gonna play devils advocate here and say this....it's not just the mother's loss at the end of it all....My relationship with my father isn't what I want it to be....but I am not completely innocent in the way my relationship with my dad is.....but it's not just the parent's loss......it's your kids loss.....your grandkid's loss......there are a lot of people out there who suffer from this.....I am personally lucky though in the fact that I have a stepfather who stepped up to the plate and treated/treats me as his own kid....something he didn't doesn't have to do.....not saying that you shouldn't protect yourself.....just saying that you aren't the only person affected by it
I agree with the sentiment of what your saying but also its got to be the person your dealing with. In my story I know I'm not loosing out on anything good but also have protected myself from further damage and definitely protected my children from any damage. I know this to be a fact as my sister wasn't so quick to cut our mother off and suffered the consequences.
Know that there are those of us out here with similar hurts/pains from our uncaring/self absorbed mothers who can't see the pain they have caused. It's sad, and so weird because I am not, nor ever want to be that type of person to my kids or grandkids someday. It's so strange! I am glad you have boundaries for yourself to have distance and heal. I only recently started but it's difficult because I still have to see her frequently when I bring my daughter to my ex 3.5hrs away. And I can't afford to stay at a hotel each time. It's hard.
What I have learned through experience is that the proverb is right about how where there's no sense there's no feeling either!
I feel the same now I have children they are my priority no matter what and I'm baffled at the way my parents were
I love your “Login Name”. It’s a strong woman’s name and from what you shared with us, it would have taken a strong person to have survived it, both physically and maybe a bit “tattered” emotionally stable. Having said that you never mentioned much about yourself, such as: Doyou work? Are there children involved?;?Because, knowing this my one question is: What do you want to do? And, what do you want to do to make that happen? Your ‘re NOT that little girl anymore. This is your life. If you’re not happy in this relationship what do you want to do ? This IS your life and no one will tell you or make you do something UNLESS you let them. Come back here & talk whenever you want. We all listen very well & help each other.🐺
When my mother had whined about me going to visit I thought to myself how there's nothing she can do about it except whine and complain and how she can't come out to get me and physically force me there can she?
Also when I get put down over wanting to do things say if I really really aren't sure over something then fair enough not to do it but no way will I change my plans due to someone else's insecurities and rudeness and there's not a thing she can do about it except sit and sulk as she can't come out and physically stop me from doing things I want can she?
I would assume that you are an adult and competent to make your own decisiONS
Back in 2019 I stood up to my controlling parents after they had a go at me one too many times and that time all that was over was that I had gone to a job interview for a reception job at a and e and they had demanded that I stay at a job I was at at the time where I wasn't happy and I'm glad I did give then a piece of my mind as well as I would rather wish I hadn't taken opportunities when they were there than wish I had!
Lately my mother has tried to play the guilt card trying to get me to visit and all I did was laugh and thought it was pathetic and point is no one HAS to visit anyone if they don't want to do they?
I have been put down and ridiculed over things that I wanted to do and when I moved back in May last year they knew nothing about it until it was a done deal and it was done and the papers were signed and sealed and nothing could be done about it and yet again I got ridiculed!
I have decided I am going to let my mother rot after all the nasty things she has said and done to me over the years and I don't feel guilty over it either!
It's a lesson in how we reap what we sow!
peg streep has a Facebook page. She writes a lot about unloved daughters. Sadly I experienced same. After my mothers death I experienced peace
Sadly it's not an uncommon problem is it?
No. You would be surprised. Ni edited my comment to say after mine died I had peace
When my father died back in 2021 part of me was glad he had gone after he had abused me.
My friends said how life had waited until my father was out of the way to give me the life that is right for me personally.
That is a kind way of saying it. We deserve our own time free from abuse.
I had put up with that for over 30 years as well so free time away from all that was extremely long overdue!
With mother I can easily ignore her and put the insults down to her insecurities!
I know. I found that it still hurt me but I could tolerate it. She was an alcoholic and could get quite nasty.
When I was growing up we had a black and white cat and my father said how the cats life was a nuisance!
My friends said to me it's more like your fathers life has caused a nuisance rather than the cats!
Later on my father claimed it was a laugh and a joke when he claimed the cats life had caused a nuisance and no it wasn't!
That is a typical abuser response. “I was only joking”. But it wasn’t funny and it hurt and they don’t care about your feelings.
Another one is when they claim you are supposedly too sensitive over things when no you are not!
Another insult that gets thrown around when you won't give them their own way is that you are supposedly ungrateful and also they claim you supposedly are mean when you won't give them what they want when no you aren't mean at all!
They have a right to ask and you have the right to say yes or no for yourself as well!
Mean is when you get nasty over really really trivial things say like a one off party in the neighbourhood!
I’m so happy I’m not sick 😊😄🤗
I’m in a sticky situation. Advice?
Better
I’m new..please help 
Who wants to feel better?
