Anxiety bad from medication withdrawal and my typical anxiety/depression/PTSD Ive had for years.

[Attaloss01]

I'm getting a bit worn down from anti anxiety medication withdrawal and general anxiety disorder and depression.

I've been withdrawing from a benzodiazapine ( clonazepam) for 4 months now, veeeeery slowly as I was on it for 25 years. My 4 year depression was finally improving but I can tell it's back.

No energy, no interest in things I enjoy and just want to watch tv and zone out. I likely have at least 2-3 more months withdrawal if I want to minimize any chance of post withdrawal syndrome.

I'm generally one who tries to keep up a gratitude list and make myself be social sometimes. I'm not typically a loner. Not lately. I can't force myself to even go for brunch with a friend, something I love doing.

Here is my MAIN PROBLEM: GUILT! Just with everything. My dog looks sad and I feel guilt. I cancel anything social then feel guilt, and really beat myself up.

I make a short list of simple household chores and don't do them until it's way beyond time to.

I can't decide if it's extreme laziness, procrastination or symptoms of withdrawal combined with a lot of major changes over the last 2 years.

I'm not typically a lazy person though I've never been a clean freak. Also, though I was only ever moderately social, now when I have to go out anywhere except to get my grandsons from school I'm filled with anxiety.

That's my main reason for me to get dressed as well as feeding my pets and making sure my dog is walked, not always by me, but walked.

I'm wondering if I should stay where I am for a month or so with my med withdrawal.

Why is it rhat some of us neglect ourselves at the very time we need self care?!

Well, my clothes are usually clean and I have food in the cupboards and I shower when I have the energy.

Any suggestions, encouragement or anything? Thanks friends.

[gajh]

Are you in therapy at all? You have to work on getting rid of the guilt. If you don't have a therapist you could go on YouTube and search how to overcome guilt. Maybe you will find something there that will help you. You used the word lazy a couple of times. Please don't judge yourself. Don't give yourself a negative label. You are not being lazy you are doing the best that you can with what you are going through. It sounds like you are doing a good job. Try to lower your expectations of what you should be doing. Just focus on the things that are about taking care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself even with that. Just do what you can each day. No guilt. Give yourself credit for each and every thing that you do accomplish no matter how small.

[designguy]

Sounds like you are doing a good job of tapering slowly off the benzo which is the best way to get off it.

Many of us were never taught or modeled how to really take care of our selves emotionally and were even shamed or punished verbally and even physically, as in my case, for showing any signs of being proud of myself or trying to stand up for myself or validate myself. Your guilt is probably due to crappy parenting and emotional neglect or abuse and you are probably suffering from low-self-worth. You might check out the website/youtube of Jonice Webb for info/resources about emotional neglect and the youtubes of Bernadette Logue, Julia Kristina, Bernadette Sewell and Ema at Therapy in a Nutshell for info/resources for improving self-worth and learning to love, accept and validate yourself, they have all helped me.