Help me...

[Cj984]

Let's see... I was born with some type of learning disability that was never diagnosed, so pls excuse my writing. My father committed suicide when I was 3. My mother tried to keep it a secret but I figured it out at 18. I believe I got the depression gene, my brother is doing great and my moms doing her best but I have been a mess my WHOLE life. Anger, bad temper tantrums,fighting, trouble focusing, drugs, anxiety, now just very bad depression. I cry everyday, I can't get outta bed, I've gained 60 pounds and I'm completely alone i lost all my friends because of this, never been happy I waisted my life isolated in my bedroom being taking care of by my poor mother who needs to take care of herself not me anymore 😪 I'm to old to not know how to take care of my self, I'm lost..

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am glad you found your way here where you can get support. Be gentle with yourself. You can get better one step at a time.

[MaggieSylvie]

Hi Cj, I am sorry you find yourself in such a low state. If you've been guilty of such bad behaviour, how did you ever manage to have any friends? You must have been a very likeable person and not "a mess" your whole life. Think back.

These anxiety and anger issues are like clothes you put on. You choose to put them on. They may be triggered, but when you get a trigger from someone, can you just wait a small moment before you react? The reactions you have are habitual. How are these habits serving you? Write down the pros and the cons; it can help you get some perspective on things.🤗🤗🤗🤗

Feelings and emotions are not part of us. Neither are thoughts. They're out there in the ether, if you like, and you are under no obligation to manifest them. Of course, if you were to suddenly turn round and be a perfect person, it would possibly be a shock to those around you, so try once a day, to start with, waiting, telling yourself you don't have to show how annoyed/angry you are - you could just leave the room instead. Then what will you do? That's up to you but your issues as they stand are having an effect on family and friends and your life is less than you would want it to be. I can understand you staying in your room at the moment but when the weather warms up, go out, then ring one friend and ask to meet up. I expect that's a long way off, but there's no harm to dream about it.🤗🤗