how to handle your mental health everyday

[kanzler1987]

Okay a little back story and than comment away.

I have been in a committed relationship for 14+ years. It has good days and bad days. As all relationships do.

On good days:

We are a family, we do stuff as a family. Examples: going to malls, play board games, enjoying everyone’s company.

On bad days:

we are all in different rooms watching different things on tv, or playing video games, or just not communicating with each other as we should. And some of us ( aka me) take the role of doing everything instead of asking for help from my partner or my daughter.

I am having one of those bad days already, I am beating myself up for sleeping in, when I wanted to be up early, as I have ( a lot) ( even though, it can be a day by day thing) chores or activities that need to be done. And I have the bad negative in my head. So.

My issues is I am a people pleaser and a fixer, and I make everyone else problems my own, and I never take care of myself.

I have plenty of self care things to do. Example: a foot spa, back massager, a regular food massager, I have an art room to do all my painting, drawing, or coloring in.

But I was taught, no fun until all your work is done.

Was I the only one who was taught like that?

Also are there other people pleaser on here?

And what do you do to stop yourself from people pleasing?

How do you handle mornings?

How do you handle evenings?

How do you handle your job ( if have one)

How do you handle your afternoon?

How do you handle chores? Or life necessary things?

Just please leave your comments below. I am just looking for a lot of help, and maybe some good mental health support. Anything will do.

[corgi_fan817]

kanzler, you and I sound so much alike. I am task oriented person too. I clean, take care of paperwork kind of stuff, fetch food and groceries, yard work. I like a nice, neat home. I separate chore time from fun time. I did this a lot in my 20s when I was responsible for myself. At that time, I was very proud of myself that I was a stable responsible adult.

More recently, I would get up in the morning and do more before anyone else before they wake up. When I did, I felt resentment. Sometimes I would want to turn on the vacuum at 4:30 a.m. just to make a point that the carpet needs to be taken care of, I am awake taking care of it, you deal with it. No, I would tip-toe around the house for hours doing almost nothing as to not wake anyone up.

It would fill me with resentment to be honest...like my chores are done in futility. That's why I like to be left alone and why things became bad at home.

Keep in mind all three of you are separate people. You do not want to be dependent on someone else to validate your feelings of your effort. That gets unhealthy.

I am not sure I have any good advice, but I would consider focus on you. What do you want so to speak. Sounds like you are doing your own thing (nice!). Maybe do something with others who would appreciate your efforts. Like volunteering for a non-profit, or participate in a social group. Just even a couple hours a week might help.

I could be giving you bad advice, but I think I do know how you feel. Wish I had a good answer for you.

Your family is lucky to have you.