Homeowner anxiety

[Amokaka]

The other day I posted about my grief over my parents' selling my childhood home. Well, today I'm back in my own home. And I'm terrified of it.

I'm a relative latecomer to home ownership - I'm 46, and I bought my first townhome two years ago. Before that, I always lived in apartments, where all the maintenance and repairs were someone else's problem. And once all that responsibility fell on me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Why does nobody talk about how maintaining a house requires you to make multi-thousand-dollar decisions every year, and sometimes several times a year? Finding trustworthy contractors is a skill that needs to be learned, and I haven't learned it yet. I've made so many mistakes so far, paying people to do work that turned out to be useless or unnecessary. Even though I have the money to afford to make some mistakes, my amygdala interprets this as an existential threat - which means that it now sees the whole house as a constant existential threat. (Has that scratch on the ceiling always been there, or is it the first sign of a major roof leak? Has the toilet always made that funny noise, or is it the beginning of a sewer clog?)

We did have a roof leak right before Thanksgiving. It turned out to be a cheap and easy fix, but I spent so much time worrying that it wouldn't be that I skimped on my whole Christmas budget for the year. We're also dealing with a leak in the siding, which is going to be a lot more expensive. We just got our first two quotes - one for twice as much as the other. Part of me says to ignore the expensive one and just go with the cheaper one (from a contractor with an excellent reputation in the neighborhood), and part of me wonders if that's a big mistake.

All these thoughts are impossible to calm down. I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

[Agora1]

And the topper is that unless you paid cash for the townhouse, it belongs to the bank.

It is a big responsibility for sure. No matter what the costs are for repairs, at least

at the end of the year you don't have cancelled checks having gone for rent.

Embrace being a new home owner, one day it will all pay off when you get the title

of your home in your hands. xx

[Amokaka in reply to Agora1]

Yeah, I know they say that renting is throwing money away...but home ownership is throwing my blood pressure away, and I'm not sure that's a fair trade...

[LadyZen]

I know what you mean. I hate owning a home. It's no fun for high anxiety people like us. I've had to repair or replace something every year. The most recent replacement was the roof. The service people aren't great sometimes. Had one that didn't fix my shower properly. Another damage my fire place. Some things I've learned to do myself. I just replaced the toilet fill valve and light switch myself.

But over time, I've seen rental prices rise, while my mortgage has stayed the same. Also, there's equity in the house. So there is a long-term benefit. I just hate the stress and anxiety that come with it.

[Dolphin14]

Amokaka

I read your post about the sale of your childhood home.

I just wanted to comment on that first. Over the summer I sold my house of 30 years. I cannot tell you the emotional pain I felt letting it go. It was good for a 10 pound weight loss

My girls struggled. I had them take lots of things due to downsizing.

I made us each magnets of our home and we have them on our refrigerators.

It is just 4 walls but there was safety within. I understand how hard it is to let go.

Homeownership is overrated. lol There are so many positives but the upkeep is overwhelming. There were quite a few things wrong with this new home

I think the biggest thing you need is that nest egg of $ available at all times for repairs.

Once you have equity built up it would be a good idea to get to the bank and figure out the best way to use that to your advantage.

Enjoy your new home. Make it your safe cozy place

🐬

[Midori]

I have owned my home(s) outright since 1991, when my mortgage paid off after my husband's death.

Being a homeowner doesn't suit everybody, I know, but it has worked out well for me, No landlord's failing to make repairs or giving you notice for silly things, or saying you can't have a pet, or similar.

There are good and bad to either, and I'm glad I have something to call mine, and to be able to pass it down to my children.

Try not to worry too much.

Cheers, Midori

[Midori]

If the cheaper quote is from a reputable company, go with it. There are always rip-off merchants who will take new owners for a ride.

Cheers, Midori

[Hidden]

As a retired painting contractor one thing that struck me is you mentioned roof and siding issues. In California the usual way is your responsible for the inside and your townhome HOA for the outside

[Amokaka in reply to Hidden]

Not the way it works in our development, unfortunately - the HOA handles only the common areas, and homeowners are responsible for the entirety of their homes. (On the plus side, that means our HOA fees are pretty reasonable.)

[Midori]

I'm glad that HOAs are not common in Britain, horror stories abound, but I am sure there are many more good ones than bad ones.

Cheers, Midori