Very Overwhelmed by Life

[NeuroticNinja]

Most of this is disjointed complaining and self-pity, but I'm not in a great place right now and just need to vent.I'm stuck in a loop of trying to move forward and then hitting setback after setback that leaves me feeling more miserable than when I start. Right after Thanksgiving, I found out I'm pregnant. Currently 9 weeks in. It's been very difficult the last 4 weeks as I've picked up every germ my boyfriend's daughters have brought to our home. So I've had an assortment of viral flus ongoing, in addition to terrible morning sickness. I've lost 25 lbs, can't keep any of my meds down, and have had constant depression, anxiety & suicidal thoughts. I've been trying to get health insurance, but because I've been working my butt off to save for a house, I currently make just enough to not qualify for any real aid. I've been paying out of pocket for trips to urgent care and only just found an affordable obgyn I can see to start prenatal care. I'm likely not going to be able to see my family for Christmas because I don't want to get anyone else sick. I feel very defeated and alone.

My bf is being very supportive, but at the same time I have a lot of anger and resentment toward him bc I've worked so hard to help make his life easier in the 4 years we've been together, and a lot of the things he does for me, he does a subpar job. He makes me feel horrible and condescending when I ask him to make sure food he cooks for me is cooked to a safe temp or to make sure the cats' litter boxes are cleaned thoroughly so they won't track litter everywhere. I feel guilty bc he is actually trying, but these kinds of things risk mine & the baby's health and safety and I'm so over being constantly ill.

I keep telling him I just want to die because it's so hard to see any more than the pain and misery, and he tells me I just need to take my meds. It's not untrue, but I can't keep food down and they make me even more nauseous when my stomach is empty. I'm mad at him bc he's in the opposite financial position and can get cheap health insurance. He hasn't been taking care of himself and I worry about his health. I wish our places were switched bc I would've gotten insurance years ago if someone was paying all my bills.

People keep telling me what I *need* to do, but don't have answers for how to accomplish these things.

I'm just so tired. And I've missed almost 2 weeks' worth of work this month, which sends my anxiety flying through the roof. I just don't see a happy end in sight and it's really disheartening. 😞

[gajh]

Please call 988 if you are having suicidal thoughts. Hopefully venting here will give you some relief. It might help you just to connect with other people who are suffering from anxiety and depression. You are not alone.

[TryingToStayAboveIt]

This is a lot all at once, isn’t it? Fortunately, everything changes. Your morning sickness will stop, and you'll feel so much better. I trust your BF is going to help with OBGYN and hospital bills. You can negotiate with the hospital if paying cash and set up payment arrangements. So much of what I've struggled with and worried about in my life never even happened, and I've always found that everything works out. You sound smart and motivated. It's all going to be ok, and you're going to have a beautiful baby to fall in love with and bring you joy.

Don’t feel horrible and condescending about pointing out your needs to your BF. Your concerns are reasonable and very valid. And if I may, those girls need to wash their face and hands as soon as they walk in your door!

This all shall pass. You just hang in there 💜