help with anxiety generated by thoughts

[4cat]

I am looking for proven strategies and guidance with anxiety. Specifically around the support to my adult son who struggles with mental health and self medicates with alcohol

[Agora1]

Hi 4cat and Welcome.

Unfortunately, many have turned to Alcohol as a short term solution to their mental health.

It has a band-aid effect in turning off the feelings temporarily but in the end, it's like

ripping off the bandage making it hurt more.

When our children are small, we may get worn out watching them and protecting

them from harm. As they turn into adults, it becomes a much more difficult job in

trying to save them from themselves. Unless they are willing to get the help they

need, there's pretty much nothing you can do except get help for yourself.

I'm glad you joined this community. There are many including myself who want

nothing more than to guide my young adult daughter in the right direction.

If they refuse help, there isn't much we can do. But don't give up. Listen and respond

to others on this site. Everyone has a different story to tell and you just may find

the answer to what you are looking for in helping your son. I wish you well xx

[4cat in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your words of encouragement Agora1. I’m working to find solutions that help me and take care of me while trying to support his journey. So many people don’t understand all that is involved or at stake, saying things like ‘just let him hit rock bottom’ isn’t helpful. His rock bottom could be death. I try to guide him to a better place (and he’s been there so I know he can do it) to make the good decisions to be healthy. This week I heard someone say ‘do what you can live with and do it with love’ and I’m going to try and keep that in mind. I look forward to connecting here and gaining more tools for my toolbox.

[LadyZen in reply to 4cat]

I struggled with alcohol when I was young. I remember my mom calling, worried sick about me. I'm so sorry for the pain I put her through. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your response made me teary. I don't know what can be done for your son. But I'm really glad you're looking for ways to take care of you. I think for my own anxieties, I've had to just take things one day at a time, one thing at a time.

[4cat in reply to LadyZen]

Thank you for sharing! It’s definitely not the easier thing to deal with. I’m hopeful I can find some tools to keep helping us.

[Dolphin14 in reply to 4cat]

Hi 4cat

Welcome to the community.

This is a tough situation. Our hands are tied when a loved one has a drinking problem. I think the key is balance. You need to protect yourself emotionally while loving and supporting your son.

We do have a site called Drink Free. It may help offer some additional support for you.

I wish you both the best. I understand first hand how hard this disease is for everyone involved

🐬

[4cat in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you for the reply. I’m going to look into the site drink free!!

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to 4cat]

And I’m sorry people tell you to let him hit rock bottom. Easier said than done. He’s your child. People can be so callous. Hang in there. Hugs.

[SayNOtoPanic]

ok with thoughts here it goes. The best think for it is mindfulness. Has helped me in that department. So you start identifying things around you in order to dismiss the thoughts. You just observe. I notice the chair is white. I notice my mom walking in the room. I notice my thoughts are bothering me. I notice my hair color is brown. Etc. and you keep doing it until the intrusive thoughts get quieter and you can engage in something else. I hope this can help. Let us know. Prayers for you and your son. Just tell him alcohol can increase anxiety a lot after it wears off. That’s why it’s one of those awful aides with anxiety or mental health. Cause it can be calming in the moment but it increases anxiety and messes with the body as it wears off and then the anxiety climaxes.

[4cat in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

Thank you! I will try this. I’ve been trying to visualize a stop sign once the thoughts happen and let the thought pass. It’s going to take practise!!

[MabelineB in reply to 4cat]

SayNO to Panic took the words right out of my mouth! I have very recently learned of this mindfulness technique while in recovery. There are so many more mindfulness techniques I learned and am attempting to put them in place but it definitely does take practice. I am following up with a therapist to help me. Breathing exercises are very beneficial as well. YouTube is a great resource to obtain help to reinforce mindfulness techniques. I wish you well, 4cat. Having a son experiencing crisis of a different sort is by far the most difficult thing I have ever encountered. Stay strong and find healthy ways to help you cope. I've found that is what is best for me to be able to help him the best way I can.

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to MabelineB]

What a beautiful paragraph of advice MabelineB. You rock. There’s also a lot of mindfulness training books on audible. Not sure if you use audible but check it out. Might interest you. I like to listen to the reader explain the techniques cause it helps me take notes and practice it. Hugs to you both.

[4cat in reply to MabelineB]

Thank you!! I will check YouTube for mindfulness techniques! That’s a great idea. I just learned a ‘triangle’ breathing method and been trying to do it. I do okay when there isn’t a crisis but seem to lose all coping mechanisms when I need them most.

[MabelineB in reply to 4cat]

Same here....everything I have learned flies right out of my head in the heat of the moment!

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to 4cat]

You’re most welcome.

[scansnap]

Dealing with people who abuse substances is always very difficult. They tend to be very resistant and are frequently in denial. However, that doesn’t mean that you cannot try to help your son and be persistent, but you will probably need some help in doing this, and he hast to be at least a little bit willing to make some changes. You can help him and protect him up to a point, but he is the one who has to make the changes.

Regarding your question about how to deal with anxiety caused by thoughts, this is what cognitive behavioral therapy is all about. I usually recommend the book Feeling Great by David Burns as a good source of information and a good way to teach yourself how to do the therapy and help yourself to feel better. It focuses specifically on how your thoughts determine your emotions.

[4cat in reply to scansnap]

Scansnap, thank you for the response! I will definitely look into this book, thank you.

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to scansnap]

That’s a great book scansnap I conquer on that one. Someone here recommended it to me.

[4cat in reply to scansnap]

David Burns has a really good website as well, thank you!