Not enough

[Sandpiper14]

I’m having to battle intrusive thoughts at the moment. Particularly regarding my relationship. I keep having thoughts that I should end it but I know I don’t want to.

Im happy with them but I have a niggling feeling that they deserve better.

I have known them for two years. I had finally cut ties with my previous boyfriend (that was toxic and turbulent) , finished my degree and the world was opening up after lockdown. I was certainly not looking for a relationship I just wanted fun. They didn’t want anything serious, they’d never been in a relationship before and didn’t think of themselves as a relationship type. So we didn’t start our relationship conventionally, we started no strings attached. But of course a few months in and feelings quickly became involved on both sides. We stubbornly avoided to delve into our feelings in any depth perhaps for many reasons I don’t know. Both of us had gotten with other people (drunk) and both of us had become upset (it was evident the no strings attached wasn’t working and that we actually just wanted each other)

The feelings became impossible to ignore so around a year in of us becoming intimately involved we decided to give being ‘official a go’

But I’d say we’ve only found our feet the last six months. I’m not sure why it’s taken this long, my boyfriends kind of a avoidant personality type, he finds it hard to open up and I think adjusting from no strings attached to a full blown relationship felt awkward to him.

But the last six months have very much been the best, and I know we both feel comfortable now, things are easy and we’re happy.

But recently (maybe because we’re approaching the two year mark/ one year ‘official’ mark) I think about how we’re not like other couples who fell in love straight away and had it all figured out from the start.

We’ve had a messy run of it and only now figuring it out? I feel like my friends don’t take us seriously because of this. I guess I’m not sure if this makes us right for each other or not.

[GlowingDarkly]

I agree with  Hidden . In my own experience, relationships always take their own path. Superficially, an outside observer might think that another couple have a “standard” relationship but even with the fairy tale high school sweetheart story, there is always more going on that meets the eye.

Some relationships are like swans on a lake - on the surface it looks so graceful and dignified, but under the surface they are kicking and paddling like mad! Other relationships are more like a dance where both partners are noticeably in motion, working hard but ultimately are tied together. And those are just two analogous examples!

All is to say, that the only people in a relationship that matter are the two involved with each other. If you love each other and want the same things in life - that is all that really matters. As cliché as that is, it’s true. Your friends can, at best, be outside perspectives if you need an opinion on something that you are just too close on. But they aren’t the person who you come home to. They aren’t the person who you will share your heart and soul with over every meal. They aren’t the person you will wake up and face each day next to.

Embrace the fact you two are swinging your machetes, hacking and clearing your own paths together through a complex landscape that is love and relationships. I bet if you looked back at the path the two of you have trail blazed, that it will click that there really was no other way that your relationship could have taken.

[Sandpiper14 in reply to GlowingDarkly]

Thank you for your response. I like how you phrased it “swinging machetes” because at some points that what it felt like but I can say we’ve both been pretty determined to make it work despite it all. I appreciate this!!

[Sandpiper14]

I’m starting therapy tomorrow thankfully, I think insecurities is something I will want to work through with them. Thank you so much for your perspective. I’m never closed minded and if it was one of my friends saying this I’d probably had responded exactly as you have. It’s hard to take our own advice sometimes.

[Sandpiper14]

This is 6 months of wait unfortunately I first went to my GP around a year ago! It’s terrible we have to wait so long because I don’t have the means to go privately. But hang in there and definitely enquire as to how long you have left to wait, I did and they replied saying I’ve been allocated. Thank you again for your kind words.