I need a break

[Dusty1234]

Hi!,

It's been a while. Anyway, here it is. First of all, I love my little sister. I always have and always have, but I need a break from her. There I said it. That was hard for me. Anyway, I share an apartment with her and her 2 daughters. We are mostly fine, but sometimes I feel like the "other" in here. When I moved in with her, she really needed me and vice versa. She was in the process of a divorce which led to her losing her house, and my Mom had just passed. I lived with my Mom. So, I moved in, paid all the past due bills, except the mortgage. I even paid for the divorce, which she seems to forget. I paid for the new apartment when things got too hard. Her girls, 2, treated me terrible especially the younger one who had just started puberty. I wanted to leave then, but my sister couldn't survive without me there. So, we slowly worked through a lot of stuff. However, it did set up the tone of the relationship with her kids. I am like a step parent. They think nothing of coming to me for money or a ride, but they also think they can treat me like poop too. At one point the younger one told me she and her sister had been talking and they didn't like the way I was keeping the kitchen. I reminded her that I wasn't the maid, but I think they believe I am.

Right now I'm recuperating from a right knee replacement and they act like I am a terrible inconvenience. Money is tight, and both my sister and I are very stressed. I believe they think I should fix it. I'm not working and was planning on retiring. I can't seem to do anything right with the girls and when I speak up for myself, my sister says nothing. I hate shopping with her because we think differently. I have assistance, and try to think practically first. She is doing nothing wrong, it's just tense. The worst thing is I can't afford to go anywhere to get away like to our other sister's house and I can't go stay with anyone local, not that there's much choice, but then there will be questions as to why. I know we'll be okay. I will probably have to go back to work when I'm up to it. (part time). But today, this day, I want to be somewhere else. Just about anywhere else. lol I'm sorry this is so long and ranty, but I just had to get it off my chest. Thank you

[GlowingDarkly]

That is an awful lot of frustration and stress built up over what sounds like an incredibly long time. So I am glad to see you found a way to vent a little bit of it off! I think your feelings are incredibly justified and I respect the way you have handled the situation you are currently in.

A random suggestion which you can do with as you please, and maybe it's something you've already tried but, while I know money sounds tight - in lieu of a physical escape, perhaps you could carve out a space for yourself that can be more a mental retreat. Inform your family that you need some time alone with yourself and find a nice pair of headphones, play some music you might like and maybe look into a new hobby you never tried before. A classic that helped a friend of mine was learning to knit. I had another friend that just started learning origami. I am a sucker for positive learning.

But the main thing is I think it is healthy that you are seeking to give yourself a little space and perhaps begin setting some new boundaries. Which of course is hard when children are involved because they so infrequently even see emotional boundaries at all.

[Dusty1234 in reply to GlowingDarkly]

First of all, thank you for listening. I think I needed to be heard, if that makes sense. Secondly, that sounds like a good idea. I will definitely start thinking of the best hobby or activity for me. Good advise!

Thank you

[GlowingDarkly in reply to Dusty1234]

My pleasure, I am glad that my suggestion resonated with you! I agree, sometimes we just want to be heard and our pain acknowledge. I hope you share with us more about your experiences in the future!